On Growing Old

This past summer I turned twenty-five, and out of nowhere, my biological clock started ticking.

Actually, not out of nowhere. See, I grew up in the Midwest, where people marry out of high school and start popping out kids in their early twenties.  So by midwest standards, I was an old maid.  By Southern California standards, I was still a baby.

But, tick, tick, tick I could hear my time wasting away.  And even though I still get carded any time I go out, I felt like I was racing against time. To find a husband. To find success in my career. To buy a house, and a dog, and have a family.  For some reason, I didn't want any of those things in Southern California.  In some delusional thought, I only wanted them 'back home.' In an even more delusional thought, I believed that it was within my reach. And we all know how that story ended.

{via}

Side note: being 'back home' has made me realize that I don't want a husband or a family. At least not right now. There is so much that I want to do, want to see, want to accomplish, before I ever entertain the thought of settling down.  Ironically, all of these 'action' items involve me leaving home, again.  And these are all realistically within my reach, because I'm still young.

Young, in a sense that I don't have baggage in the form of a mortgage, a marriage, or children to look after.  So, if I want to pack my bags and jet set to Europe for an indefinite amount of time, I can do so. Or, if I decide that I want to move back to California or New York City, or Chicago or wherever, to pursue my dream of being a professional writer, I can.

However, that biological clock is still ticking.  Why, you ask?

Today, I found a gray hair. GRAY!

And a few weeks ago I phoned a friend to see if she wanted to go to the movies.  The conversation:

Me- so what are you interested in seeing? I really want to see Nine, or you know what? That It's Complicated movie looks pretty funny.

Friend- yeah, let's go see that one, although my mom will be upset because she wants to see it.

(later, in the car)

Me- you know, I can't believe I'm willingly going to see a movie that is headlined by people over fifty. I mean, I think the last movie I saw with Steve Martin was The Jerk. And it was a rerun, on like, TCM.

Friend- Yeah, and Merryl Streep is in everything these day.

Me- I just feel like I should I should be going to see... (way to long of a pause)...I don't know, a movie that young people are going to see.

Friend- Um, Amanda, you just admitted to not knowing the young people movie.

See! See! I'm twenty-five, going on fifty.