Glass Half...

One thing I've learned through the years is that I have a tendency to be a pessimist, a glass half empty type of person. This is a quality that I admittedly detest, and one that I am constantly working really hard on trying to change.

Life has taught me that everything happens for a reason. Things have happened through the years that have shaped me into this individual I am today- flaws and quirks alike. However, I am making concerted efforts to take each and every opportunity in the present and future as a positive experience, a glass-half full perspective, if you will.


{via}

I try to imagine where I was in life a year ago and in doing so I cringe at the thought that I'm willingly returning to a place that I so eagerly left behind. Yet upon further reflection, I realize that I am returning to only to the physical place, the emotional turmoil I fled has long passed.

So even if California was ultimately not where I'm destined to be, it has been such a blessing and a beautiful landscape for me to find myself again. To become the woman that I always wanted to be. A woman who is honest, reliable, and genuine- and most importantly, who does not seek acceptance but rather- individuality.

Without a doubt I am going to miss California- how serene the ocean looks against the mountain backdrop every day on my way to work, the sound of skateboard wheels on the asphalt, the friends I have made who are nothing like me at all but who I love nevertheless, the culture that I've been exposed to and never want to lose, and the incessant sunshine and sea breeze.

Yet in losing these qualities I so treasure in California, I'm gaining more in Ohio. The comfort of country roads and not needing a navigational device, the pristine landscape after winter's first snow fall, and getting to watch my nieces and nephews grow up before my own eyes.

I have made reference before that I would love to do what Elizabeth Gilbert did in Eat, Pray, Love, but I'm realizing that perhaps I already began that journey. I have spent the past eleven months shedding so many layers and walls that I developed over the years, and allowed my vulnerability to guide the way.

I'm ready to return to that physical place that I didn't flee, but left for safe-keeping until I was ready to come home fully restored. I think that I have a lot to prove to a lot of people, but I am also confident in my resolve and who I am.

Sometimes music speaks to the soul.

Times have changed, and times are strange;
Here I come but I ain't the same; Mama I'm coming home
ozzy osbourne

I made the decision this week that I'm going home. I'm leaving California and it freaks me out. Because even with my discontent with certain aspects of life out west, I've changed and grown and become such a different person than I was a year ago. And I'm afraid to lose that- to lose this new sense of self, of independence, of understanding and contentment. I'm afraid of slipping back into old habits, I'm afraid of losing my sense of adventure, and most importantly I'm afraid of losing the freedom to enjoy a liberal assimilation of all cultures.

The midwest is different. It's conservative. It's a little outdated. It's reserved. It's everything I am not. But it's so much a part of me. Because the midwest is kind, it is entrenched with morals and community. The midwest is my comfort zone, it's welcoming and annoying all at once.

But I'll come back to you in a year or so
And I'll rebuild, be ready to become
noah and the whale

So I am hesitantly returning to a place that simultaneously welcomes me with open arms, but casts a judgemental eye to anyone who displays any signs of indifference or individuality. I am not a cookie cutter image of the midwest.

I am not even certain that I'm making the best decision. What I do know is that something is missing in California. Maybe I'll find it back home. Then again, maybe this journey doesn't end, and moving home is one more stop along the way. A rejuvenation of sorts. Perhaps a year from now finds me in another time and place.

Until then, I'm ready to be a big fish in a little pond once more.

Where I Profess my Gleek-dom

Is anyone else completely obsessed with this show? Because I absolutely adore it. The singing, the dancing, the mash-ups, the humor, the ooh-la-la eye candy (I'm talking to you Cory Monteith), and not to mention it fictionally takes place in Ohio.

It's official, I am a Gleek. And I am not ashamed.

Sadly, there isn't a new episode until next week. My Wednesday nights just haven't been the same the last few weeks since Glee has been pre-empted due to the World Series. But if there is one thing I love more than Glee, it's baseball, so I'm okay with that.

So imagine my elation when the cast sang the national anthem this past Saturday for Game 3 in Philly. My two favorites. At. The. Same. Time.

{via}

Seeing this happen really makes me miss working for a major league baseball team. I never got star struck when celebrities were visiting the stadium and I just so happened to run across them or accompanied them onto the field for pre-game ceremonies... but this would have been an exception. I would definitely have been that giddy, annoying, 'ohmygosh'ing' fangirl begging for a photograph.

Which is precisely why my roommate and I are going to The Grove this Saturday for their CD signing at Barnes and Nobles. I think the last time I did anything of this nature I was about ten years old and Brian Austin Green (yes, David Silver) was signing something at a local mall.

Again, I have no shame.

Also, I want to be real-life-bff's with Dianna Agron (Quinn). Go check out her tumblr. Seriously, its named after Alice in Wonderland. Brilliant.

Under Construction

I want a degree in graphic design and photography. If for no other reason than to make this blog BEAUTIFUL. Because right now I am not happy with it. So please ignore the ugliness.

Tomorrow officially begins life detox. This includes ridding myself from all negativity, pursuing activities that make me happy (even if they make me dorky), eating healthy---aka not raiding the candy dish twenty times a day at work, working out regularly, and maintaining a sober lifestyle. After all, alcohol is a poison so why put my body through it?

I know, I know. I've said it a million times. But prior to moving to LA I wasn't drinking, and I was totally fine with that. The last year has once again been turbulent- and the common denominator? Alcohol. I tip-toed back into that scene for the sake of making friends.

But it's time to make real friends. Whose responses don't drip with condescension when I say I don't want to wear a slutty Halloween costume (I suck at peer pressure). Friends who want to go to pumpkin patches and spend Wednesday nights watching Glee and eating cupcakes (without moaning how doing so makes them a cow).

It's time to come into my own and stamp out peer pressure. Once. And. For. All.