The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged 

to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. 

Nelson Mandela 

 

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Taking a risk finally paid off, and I am in California to stay. 

Not everyone is going to understand my decisions or acts of spontaneity, but I fully believe when there's something you want that if you work really hard, you can make it happen. 

And that's exactly what I did. 

I was devastated last week when I didn't get the job that I initially came back to interview for. 

But instead of letting it get me down, I was stubborn and refused to quit. 

And if I've learned one thing lately, is that I have a tendency to quit. 

Not anymore. 

Surprisingly, my life is returning back to normal, as normal as I can call my life, that is. 

Today, I'm returning to full-time employment-- at the exact same company I worked at before. 

Except I'll be assuming a position that is exactly what I want to be doing. 

I'm elated because I already know that I love this company and my co-workers. 

I have a second, part-time job lined up that will allow me to make extra money, keeping me ahead on the bills and definitely giving me some flexibility in my social life and spending power. 

My old roommate and I are moving in together into a newly renovated townhouse next month. 

We are already in love with the place and can't wait to make it our own. 

I've been hanging out with acquaintances I knew from before, and they are quickly becoming great friends. 

 

Everything has been coming together seamlessly and I truly believe it's a result of being optimistic and not being afraid to fail.  Two big accomplishments on my part. 

Lastly, I know several people who read this little corner of my life on a daily basis. 

Please note that writing is therapeutic for me, and I'm a very moody person. 

I write through my doubts and insecurities, highs and lows, and that's what makes me real. 

Granted, I choose to share my words with the public, and most of you are complete strangers. 

But in the off-chance I know you in real life, I would only hope that my thoughts aren't skewed. 

No implications or offenses are meant to be made, so I would expect no judgement on your part. 

I often wish you would stop reading entirely. 

That being said, I have changed my blog URL with the intent that my little corner of the world becomes more obscure, and that those who do read are fellow Gen Y'ers who can relate to the bumpy little stage of life called your twenties.

EPL the Movie

I love Julia Roberts and I love this book.  I'm not sure I will love her in this role. 

Either way, I can't wait to see this!! 

On Gaining Perspective

Hello, there.  Last we talked I was jetting off to California. 

Remember how my year out here changed me?

Well, the four months at home changed me too. 

And here I am, still in California. With perspective.

I am happy.  With the simplest things. 

Whether it's catching a movie with a girlfriend, 

or a Saturday night with people I thought I'd never see again, 

I've caught myself multiple times the last two weeks thanking my lucky stars.

I'm grateful to have had an opportunity that sent me on this adventure. 

 

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Even though the job didn't pan out, things are falling into place. 

It's tough and a little unsteady, but I have optimism that good things are around the corner. 

I've had my fatal flaw moments when I wanted to hop on a flight home because that's what's easy. 

Except this time, I am fighting for what I want- and what I want is not tangible.

It's happiness. 

And I've found it here. I always had it, I suppose.  Now I just recognize it.

And I refuse to lose it.

Tattoos of Memories

I've never been one for tattoos, but I was browsing the web tonight and saw this one.  I think it would be perfect. Painful, but perfect.  

 

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On another note, I'm off to California in the morning. It's hard trying to pack when I don't know how long I'll be staying-- or if I'll even be coming home, for that matter.  

As much as I ache to move back, it's a very good possibility that tonight is my last night at home which for whatever reason is a tough pill to swallow.  But as of right now, I only booked a one-way ticket. I had an opportunity fall in my lap that I would be silly not to seize.  In talking to my friend today to see if I was out of touch with reality she said, "it's a big risk, but you've always been a risk taker." I never thought of myself in that way, but I guess it's true. Nine times out of ten I'm flying by the seat of my pants. 

Time will only tell what my future holds.

Have a Lovely weekend!

I remember this time last year, living in California, and seeing all my friends and family update their Facebook pages about the glory of sunshine and its return to the Midwest.  I remember snickering and thanking my lucky stars that I was graced daily with the sunny Southern California skies.  Never did I imagine that I would be among those worshiping the intermittent peaks of natural light this spring.

Life is funny like that sometimes, and here I am, after two days of sunshine writing a blog post about it and how I am as happy as a clam.  Exactly what is it about sunshine that makes everyone so elated? Sometimes I wish there was a way to bottle it up for anyone to enjoy, anywhere, anytime.

Sun or no sun, I've been doing a lot of thinking and exploring lately about what makes me happy.  Here are a few things that have brought joy to my life this week:

 

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My four-year-old nephew finally breaking out of his shell around me.  All it took was a conversation about Mario Brothers and a game of "spin around in circles."

 

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A freshly made bad every morning. Ok, ok, every afternoon. It may seem silly, but it's one small accomplishment to get each day off to a great start.  The little control freak that I am, it matters to have this one little chore completed daily, when so much else in my life is in disarray.

 

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There's nothing that can bring a smile to my face quicker than the sound the coffee pot makes right before it's finished brewing.  It's almost my second alarm for the day, when I know that energy is just sips away. 

This week I got lost in a book like I haven't done in years. I found myself so intrigued with the characters that when I looked up, I realized I had spent the whole afternoon reading, only to spend the rest of the evening, and into the wee hours of the morning, with my nose still in the book.

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Oh, I don't know... maybe the fact that I am going to California this weekend!!! Eeek! In the middle of writing this post I got a little good news, and so off I go on what I hope to be my little adventure in moving home to the west coast! 

What made you happy this week?

Why a Single Girl Read a Book on Marriage

Seeing how one of my favorite places on Earth is a library/bookstore and that I'm a self-professed word-nerd/book worm, it's amazing that I only finished my first book of 2010 this past week.  Blasphemy!

Even more amazing, is that when I was at the library a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon Elizabeth Gilbert's newest book Committed, just sitting on the shelf waiting to be picked up and devoured.  It's no secret that I have a literary girl-crush on Gilbert after reading her Eat, Pray, Love memoir and boasting it as the best book I read last year.  I was expecting to have to patiently put this follow-up book on my hold list, and was delighted to have it available to be checked out.

Much like her previous novel, Gilbert's writing style eases the reader into a friendly conversation; an invitation to an intimate journey, which ultimately challenges the reader to explore his or her own personal beliefs.  However, with Committed the romanticism is replaced with curiosity and a holistic exploration into the institution of matrimony.

Once again, Gilbert captures my attention from the very first page and holds it steadfastly until the very end.  Despite being nowhere near the same stage in my life, her words reverberate through me and really strike a chord, further proving her writing genius.

Here are a few of my favorite passages that I jotted down while reading, followed by my reaction:

"I'd learned enough from life's experiences to understand that destiny's interventions can sometimes be read as invitations for us to address and even surmount our biggest fears."

•  This passage identifies Gilbert's sentence to wed, when her Brazilian boyfriend was detained at the American border.  I have always been an advocate that everything happens for a reason, but I have never taken it a step further to examine my reactions to each event. I am realizing that my biggest fear is failure, and by leaving California, I was running away from the possibility of failure- but in fact I fulfilled that fear.  In facing this truth, I am uncovering that California is indeed where I want to live, where I want to thrive, and for once, I want to face my fear and overcome it.

"...so we live in danger of becoming paralyzed by indecision, terrified that every choice might be the wrong choice."

• The last few months for me have been decision by indecision, if that makes any sense whatsoever.  The thought of making the wrong choice, leads me to not make a choice at all, which is in fact, making a choice. Not deciding to decide. Whoa, psychobabble much? I have been known to make irrational, impulsive decisions, by default I always seem to follow my heart.  Moving to California, following my heart, great emotional decision, bad financial decision.  Moving home to Ohio, again following my heart, bad emotional decision, bad financial decision. Ok, so I'm not good at decision-making. But I am learning from my mistakes, and since I'm on the verge of moving back to California, I am making rational preparations, so this time it is a great emotional and financial decision.

"If we are at all self aware, we work hard to keep these more dicey aspects of our natures under control, but they don't go away."

•  Holy self-awareness, batman. I'm pretty sure that's been the overriding theme of this blog for quite awhile.  I'm sure it's hasn't been the most pleasant reading material, but let me assure you that I am coming out of this process renewed and an overall more positive person.  This passage reminds me that all these negative qualities I have unearthed in myself can't and shouldn't be ignored because in doing so, they will resurface.  But I can exercise control over them, and lead a more fulfilled emotional life.  Amen, sister.

Dog-Eared: Bracelets for a Cause

In January, I began a feature called Dog-Eared, in which I share with you pages of inspiration ripped straight from the magazines I get delivered to my mailbox.  Thanks to a few reader recommendations, this past month I also picked up InStyle from the newsstand, and instantly fell in love with this magazine.  I also read Real Simple and Marie Claire, but believe I'm just a few years shy of their target demographic, since nothing really jumped off the pages to grab my attention.

Tonight, while watching American Idol I managed to filter through the clutter that is currently my living area, and find this month's inspiration... BRACELETS.

From the March SELF issue (Hayden Panettiere cover) there was a feature entitled The Lazy Girl's Guide to Being, which provided health tips for those who prefer the quick and simple route to being healthy.  Since spring and summer are just right around the corner, it is vital to remember to apply ample amounts of sunscreen.  Recently, I realized that I would much rather be pale than to have sun spots, wrinkles, and gasp cancer.  I have a few moles that I keep a cautious eye on, as a result of a few teenage (ok, ok early twenty-aged) burns.  Last time I had them checked they were not of cancerous-concern, but I still have moments in the shower when I see them and think omg-skincancer-imgoingtodie!

This particular article highlighted a product that I think every twenty-something female should own and wear daily.  It's Spa Finder's "I Will Reflect" bracelet, which turns lavender after harmful exposure to UV rays.  The best part is that it only costs $5, and money raised from your purchase goes towards the Skin Cancer Foundation's melanoma-awareness campaign.  Click that little link, and go buy yourself one!!

 

From the March issue of InStyle (Anne Hathaway cover) comes my second source of inspiration, also a bracelet.  Another common theme, one which I value very highly, is that it also serves a purpose of charitable goodwill.  Rachel Bilson (long live Summer Roberts) who is a contributor to the magazine, reported about a recent trip to South Africa and Botswana, where she learned more about the diamond mining industry and how it positively effects the inhabitants of those two countries.  The Diamond Empowerment Fund (DEF) is a non-profit organization that supports the education system in diamond-producing African nations, such as the two Rachel visited.  She has designed a leather and diamond bracelet that helps raise money for the DEF, and more specifically, to aid in the purchase of additional student housing for a Johannesburg university.  While this bracelet is a little less economically friendly than the one featured in SELF, at $100 you will be getting an accessory that will help generate awareness for a great cause, and $20 of the purchase goes directly toward improving education and empowerment for many African children. 

Health Insurance is a Measurement of Success?

I am currently locked in my room to prevent an emotional uproar between me and my parents.  I feel like I am sixteen again, dreaming of getting out of here. Now I am remembering why I moved away in the first place, and I am regretting moving home with every fiber in my body.  I am itching to get back to California. Or anywhere in the god-forsaken world that is not under this roof, in this city, with these people.  Apparently I am a failure because I am chasing after my dreams and refusing to settle for mediocrity.

Meanwhile, this video gem really makes me smile.  It is a reminder that there are many creative little souls out their pursuing their own dreams and passions, and they have found the opportunity to do what they love! Enjoy!



 

A Different To-Do List

I can't believe it's already March 1st! Where does the time go? How's everyone holding up on those resolutions they made at the beginning of the year?  If you're like me, you haven't gone too far with them.

I don't want to focus on the negative, that I haven't really set out to achieve the resolutions I made two months ago.  Rather, I want to focus on how far I've come in the last few months.  Each day I am learning more and more about myself; and whether I'm discovering good qualities or bad, it's eye-opening nonetheless. 

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Moving forward, I am editing my resolutions to align more with becoming a well-rounded, emotionally healthy individual.  I am hoping to change the intangible, and by doing so, changing the tangible in my day-to-day life.

• Stop living in the future and focus on the present.
• Make a commitment, big or small. And keep it.
• Spend less time on social media and engage more with my creativity.
• Actively improve my character flaws.
• Privatize my life by choosing my words more wisely.
• Fail. And love myself anyways.
• Recognize life is a journey, but don't be afraid to take my own path.

I have realized that while certain aspects of my life have become stagnant, the most important aspect is flourishing-- the aspect of wholly discovering, understanding, and accepting who I am.