The ironic thing is that I have yet to really feel the true meaning of love- at 25, when everyone around me is seemingly getting married and having kids, I find myself still single, still searching. As a child of divorce, I have a naturally guarded exterior, and for the last three years I've been tangled up in emotions with a guy who gave himself to me in bits and pieces, but always taking away more than what he was giving. Knowing no better, I fell-hook, line, and sinker.
Having the last year under my belt- away from my comfort zone, and away from this guy, I learned more about myself than I'd ever imagined. I broke out of my shell, I embraced my true self, and for the first time I realized that I deserved better, and yes- I am worthy to be loved. A brief stint in on-line dating challenged me to not only ask the right questions of potential matches, but most importantly, ask myself what I wanted.
Truth be told, all the things I want, can not be found in the guy that I've spent the last few years holding on to. So I learned to let go, I stood up for myself, and I walked away. Erika put it best when she described herself as a "defensive dater," and I couldn't relate more. My one foray into relationships has been messy, it's been one heck of an emotional rollercoaster.
But, I have hope.
"Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning."
Even though I am not actively dating at the moment, or even looking, for that matter, I know that great things happen when you least expect it. I truly believe that you can't find love; it finds you. But, if beggars can be choosers, love to me is...
... sharing new experiences together
...his coat draped over my shoulders when I'm cold
...reading together in bed
...knowing what the other is thinking without explanations
...compromise, but no pretenses
...playing scrabble together over sunday morning coffee
What does love mean to you?
Amanda ... I stumbled upon your blog through a comment on lamidge.com's page and I'm blown away by how easily I can relate to you ... the debt, the move, the age (although I just turned 27) and the perspective on dating and love. It took me a while to realize that relationships are two-way streets, and that I was settling for way less than I was "worthy" of. I'm still searching, but am a hopeless romantic and am keeping my chin up ... meanwhile all of my friends are getting hitched and making babies, too. So ... you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteLove for me is being accepted for who I am but being challenged every day to be better.
ReplyDeleteYeah, boys def find you in the randomest places...like you know...by finding your blog ; )
It's totally cliché, but I found love literally when I was busy TRYING to find it in someone else.
ReplyDelete25 isn't too old, at all. My sister found her PERFECT match when she was 27, and they didn't marry until she was 30.
I know people say this but it's true: you find love when you aren't looking for it. I was "in love" with someone else when I met my husband. And I didn't realize that my husband was the one I really cared for until a year later.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it takes time. But when it's supposed to happen it will.
awww, the scrabble one is so cute. We usually play monopoly or work on puzzles but scrabble sounds way more romantic!
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