Thoughts from the Doorstep

"I never thought much about South Haven until I moved to Chicago... South Haven was just Town, as in 'let's go to Town and get an ice cream.' Town was groceries and hardware and Mackenzie's Bakery and the sheet music and records at the Music Emporium...We used to stand in front of Appleyard's Photography Studio making up stories about the brides and toddlers and families smiling their hideous smiles in the window. We didn't think the library was funny-looking in its faux Greek splendor, nor did we find the cuisine limited and bland, or the movies at the Michigan Theater relentlessly American and mindless. These were opinions I came to later, after I became a denizen of a City, an expatriate anxious to distance herself from the bumpkin ways of her youth. I am suddenly consumed by nostalgia for the little girl who was me, who loved the fields...who spent winter days home sick from school reading Nancy Drew and sucking menthol cough drops..."
Audrey Niffenegger/The Time Traveler's Wife

{via}

Yes, I'm just now getting around to reading this book (public libraries are a god send, unless the book you want just got made into a movie and you're number 400 in the hold queue- true story).

I also got locked out of my apartment tonight, and this just so happened to be the passage I read while waiting for someone to come home. It really struck a chord with me, and I paused to think about my current situation... if you have had any sort of conversation with me over the past two weeks, you know that I've been considering moving home.

But tonight I realized that moving home is not what I want. I love the small town I grew up in, with its red brick roads and its one stop-light main street. I love that any given day of the week you can get stuck behind a hay-wagon on your way in to the grocery store. And probably once you get there, you run into about five others that you know.

Rock meet hard place. Because I love that just two blocks away from my apartment rest a brazilian, mediterranean, italian, mexican, tapa, and italian restaurant. I love that the city skyscrapers climb the sky and litter them with urban stars. I love that any given day of the week you can cross paths with celebrities and its no big deal.

Sometimes the nostalgia gets overwhelming and I grow homesick. Sometimes the City is overwhelming with its gridlock traffic and superficiality and I get frustrated. And then I find the balance that the small town is the reason I am the person I am today, and the City is teaching me how to become the person I was meant to be.

A Thank You

I know I have been absent for a few weeks now, but I've been struggling to find my voice and to synthesize my thoughts where this rollercoaster ride of emotions is more like a leisurely, Sunday drive.

But in my lack of writing, I have found a wonderful world of bloggers that I have come to love dearly and look to for daily inspiration. I wanted to take the time to formally thank them, since often times I am reading at work and can't delurk.

So, officially--thank you your wishcake for always perfectly putting into words how exactly I feel- your honesty and vulnerability is truly inspiring. Thank you everyday musings for showing me how to appreciate the simple things in life, whether it's a scrumptious cupcake or a whimsical new apartment, you have a magical way of finding beauty in the small things I often overlook. Thank you the rockstar diaries for sharing your love of art and photography, whether it's the beauty of new york city or your lovely weekends spent with your hubby, it's all dazzling through your lens. Thank you an experiment in poverty for proving that you can still find fun and love, even on a budget.

These are all wonderful bloggers and I encourage everyone to go check them out. Do it! Whether they know it or not each of them has reshaped how I look at life and I am now challenging myself in new ways to improve my scope and perspective. In that respect, there are many more but I would be here all night.

It's a Season of Change, Fall is Here

The blinds danced against the window pane this morning as tendrils of the crisp, fall air filtered into my bedroom, driving me deeper under the covers. And for a brief moment, while I lingered in the last stages of sleep, I felt a sense of familiarity creep up on me. Perhaps it was the evening spent in front of the fire place, tucked under a blanket and watching Away We Go, my newest favorite indie film to truly capture the meaning of love. The first fire of the season. So when the day should have been met with a groan and a snoozed alarm clock, a slow smile spread across my lips. Fall had finally arrived in Los Angeles.

And in those fleeting moments this morning where the warmth of the night was giving way to morning, I forgot about every worry that has been plaguing me. I wasn't a twenty-something searching for answers, for an identity, or for a sense of security. I was just another girl awaking to embark on her routine day, cherishing the chance to see the another clear blue sky, and even a little bit of my breath in the cool air. A reminder that no matter where I am in life, or in the world, change will always find me.

The horizon may no longer be peppered with sunset-painted leaves, afternoons may still be too warm for the enjoyment of a pumpkin-spice latte, and boots and scarves may be tucked away in closets for a few more weeks... but today, the little part of me that has been aching for home, stopped and appreciated the home I have made here in California.