On Going Home

Andy Warhol once said, "They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." Such words have never resonated with me as much as they did this past week when I was visiting home.

Home. Amazing how four little letters can carry such meaning. I spent the first twenty-four years of my life in a small, midwestern town with conservative ideals- and an endearing love for all things simple. I was raised with morals that I am so grateful to have intact. Yet, something was always missing.

In eight months time, I have found a new place to truly call home. A home where I find myself at peace, and for the first time in twenty-five years, genuinely happy. I now reside in one of the nation's biggest metropolitans, with liberal ideas, and everyone thinking they are going to be the 'next big thing.' Morals? They don't seem to exist here.

Ironic, how upon arriving 'home' I find myself longing for California, yet just mere days later I am struggling to leave my family behind, and my heartstrings are tugged by moments I once considered too mundane.

The truth is that no matter how much things change, some things will always remain the same. It's the comfort of knowing that summer thunderstorms will always pass, mosquitos will always make me their feeding post, that I'll still remember each stretch of road like the back of my hand, and chocolate will never go for want in the Gray household.

This trip home solidified two things for me: one, moving to California was the best thing I could have done for myself and two, nothing means more to me than my family. I've outgrown so many old habits, I've settled my past transgressions, I've found closure in relationships I was holding onto, and I've let go of negativity I once harbored for people who ultimately don't deserve my time or energy. I've become a better person, a better friend, a better daughter, sister, and aunt.

Returning to California I have a stronger resolve than ever to continue on this positivity crusade. If the last eight months have taught me anything, its that life doesn't always come easy. However, the knowledge that this is the path I've chosen to take, and this journey is making me a stronger, more well-rounded person- it's worth all the pitfalls it takes to get to the final destination. I am almost certain that these changes would never have surmounted had I not taken the risk and followed my heart to California. I wouldn't be the person I am today, and now I know that I wouldn't want to be any other person than the one I am today.

Now, more than ever, I can fully appreciate the way it feels when a six-year-old wraps his arms around you with a grin from ear-to-ear, the way every muscle burns during a ten-mile bike ride with my dad, and the deliciousness of every empty calorie consumed while mindlessly watching reality television with my little sister.

These are the small sacrifices I have made in the grand scheme of finding happiness. It's these small, once considered mundane moments, that I know I will reflect on and cherish in my moments of doubt and uncertainty that life will surely deal. And for that reason alone, I would do it a million times over.