Constructing My World

As I've gotten older, I've become more in tune with my personality, interests, and passions. And, ironically, it's not too far off from what I remember myself like as a young kid. (If only I could take back the college/grad school years- no seriously, am I the only one who feels like they lost themselves while trying to fit in?)

At any rate, one of my biggest passions is creativity and imagination. It's surprising that I am not doing something along these lines on a full-time basis because it's the one thing I enjoy most. I spend countless hours online drooling over fashion, design, photography- all the while my earphones are in listening to the greatest music. I daydream of designing stage sets, wardrobing models, filming the perfect scene with the perfect dialogue or the perfect song.

And even though I am more self-aware than I've ever been, I haven't outwardly projected that. Insecurities still outweigh confidences, and that's a battle won by baby steps. Nothing ever comes without a little effort, and while being myself should be effortless- the process of projecting my 'true self' takes a little time and money (my closet still bears resemblance of my clubbing days, can you say sequins?)

I remember in 500 Days of Summer when Tom visits Summer's apartment for the first time, and the narrator says"the wall of distance, of space, of casual - that wall was slowly coming down. For here was Tom, in her world... a place few had been invited to see with their own eyes." Watching that scene I was drawn to the bowler hat with the apple on top (homage to the famous The Son of Man painting) and the tree with origami swans, and thinking that her apartment was so indicative of her personality.

Living with roommates, and being on a tight financial budget, I have no control over the decor in my house-- and if you could see my house, you would understand why I make such a statement. However, the one room I can control- and the room I claim to be my safe haven (as it's become my nightly retreat from said roommates) is my bedroom. And yet, since I've moved in last April, I haven't made any effort to make it my own. My furniture is secondhand, and my walls are bare. Just an unmade bed and lots of clutter- from magazines to dirty laundry.

Until now. I've made it my end-of-summer goal to make my bedroom 'my world.' Without a doubt, this is where I'll be spending the majority of my time- either reading or writing. I want to be surrounded by color and inspiration. I want warmth and invitation.

I love Whitney Port- she is the perfect example of being true to yourself while surrounded by pressure to be what society wants you to be. Isn't her apartment darling? It's what I hope to achieve in my own.