On Resolutions

We're officially half-way through the month of January, how is everyone doing with their resolutions? My last post touches base a little on one of mine, and that is being true to myself.  As is tradition (or so it seems) I also resolved to eating healthy and working out, neither of which I have done, tsk tsk.

I think my most important resolution this year is in paying off all non-student loan debt.  This resolution alone is the motive for moving back to Ohio.  Backstory: A lot of people are shocked that I quit the Dodgers job so quickly, but the truth was that at minimum wage, ($8 in California), I couldn't even afford my rent- let alone any other expenses, bills included.  So for the first three months in California, I lived on credit cards and racked up a lot of debt.  That deficit was hard to claw myself out of, even after I found a decent paying job- I was barely breaking even, still pleading with my parents for grocery money, and having an anxiety attack every month when I wrote a check out for nearly a thousand dollars in rent. So despite the friendships, despite the two-and-a-half block walk to the beach, despite the year-round sunny weather and even the steady paycheck, I decided the rational thing would be to move home. Otherwise, I would be playing the minimum payment game for a really long time.  I was one 'girls night out' away from living my own version of Confessions of a Shopaholic.

So here I am, in cold, blustery Ohio, living in the basement of my parents house, and working the weekends as a bartender.  It's not necessarily glamorous, but it's definitely living within my means right now.  While I am continuing with my job search for full-time work in Ohio, I've also devised a (preliminary) budget that allows me to move back to California- this time with sound financial responsibility.

I've always had a working budget, so to speak- but it only accounted for the minimum bills.  After those payments were made, anything was fair game- and I can't count on my fingers and toes how many times I wandered into Target and made mindless purchases, or went out to dinner with girlfriends and had too many bottles of sake with my sushi.  After stumbling upon Ashley's blog when she was the 20sb featured blogger in December, I found her secondary blog, A Story of Debt and found the motivation I needed to start making serious progress in paying down my debt.

Ashley links to financial planner Dave Ramsey and his guidelines, or the Seven Baby Steps. I encourage anyone who is struggling with debt to check him out, and I'll save you the nitty gritty details here.  The most important "walk-away" I got from perusing his website is eradicating debt using the Debt Snowball-- that is paying off the smallest debts first. Convention usually tells us to pay off the highest-interest debts, and yes that makes sense, but the debt snowball really plays on motivation.  How great does it feel when you accomplish a goal?  Pretty great, huh?  So with this method, paying off the smallest debt first helps you stay motivated and keep paying off the debt. 

Here is what my current debt snowball looks like:

1. Line of Credit (balance: $409.83)
2. Visa Credit Card (balance: $695.06)
3. Car Loan (balance: $5,258.24)
4. Visa Credit Card #2 (balance: $8,102.97)

It may be a little tongue-in-cheek to talk so openly and candidly about consumer debt, but if there's one thing I have learned, is that I am not alone. This keeps me accountable, and serves as a forum for discussion for any readers who find themselves in the same predicament.  Debt reduction is definitely a lengthy process, but I hope to share my story as the weeks continue.

Anyone else have a budget that works for them? 

On Being Yourself

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.  

~Judy Garland

[photo credit]

Kurt Cobain captioned by a Judy Garland quote? That's just a small glimpse into my versatile, quirky personality.  It's taken me a long time to embrace my inner dork and to let stereotypes and judgements roll off my shoulders. 

Sometimes, the 'real world,' is just a continuation of high school.  Cliques still exist, whether in the workplace, in church groups, in parenting groups, and sometimes you never escape the high school clique (ahem, cincinnati- where no one ever moves away).  As a society, we're force fed images of what is pretty, what is trendy, and what defines success.  Hollywood misleads us all into believing that 'happily ever after' is right around the corner. 

The truth is everyone is fighting their own battle. To be unique, to be an individual within the crowd, to accepting and loving themselves. Insecurities are diabolical.  I wish more people could embrace who they are without shame or fear.  I spent so much time, energy, and money after high school trying to be a part of the "in-crowd," and it was paralyzing. 

It's taken me the last year and a half to re-discover that inner aspect- to be the first rate version of myself.  There are days where I'm still not sure how to define "who I am," because there are so many facets of my personality.  There are other days where it's crystal clear that there is no need or reason to put a definition to me.  I am me.  And that's good enough. 

This experience of moving home has been eye-opening.  Stepping back into my old bedroom, I found old artifacts of the person I used to be, before the hand of superficiality took its grasp on my life. It's hard coming back to this small community, where I am still defined by the personality I had adopted years ago.  People here choose only remember what they want, they continue to conservatively think within the box, and refuse to see me for who I am now (and who I've always, really been). 

I've done a lot of purging the last two months.  Old photos with old "friends" have been tossed. Those same "friends" have been ignored, mostly because they continue to ignore the fact that I've grown up and moved on.  I've sold back books and movies that were taking up space and not indicative of my personality. Call it cliche, but I'm more of a Garden State person than, say,  How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days.  But the one thing that is plaguing me? My closet! Every time I open its doors, I cringe.  I don't have one article of clothing that I feel manifests my personality-- right now it's overflowing with outfits that wouldn't garner a second look, because everyone else is pretty much wearing the same thing.  Barf. 

I'm getting there, though.  And I'm definitely enjoying the process. 

On Growing Old

This past summer I turned twenty-five, and out of nowhere, my biological clock started ticking.

Actually, not out of nowhere. See, I grew up in the Midwest, where people marry out of high school and start popping out kids in their early twenties.  So by midwest standards, I was an old maid.  By Southern California standards, I was still a baby.

But, tick, tick, tick I could hear my time wasting away.  And even though I still get carded any time I go out, I felt like I was racing against time. To find a husband. To find success in my career. To buy a house, and a dog, and have a family.  For some reason, I didn't want any of those things in Southern California.  In some delusional thought, I only wanted them 'back home.' In an even more delusional thought, I believed that it was within my reach. And we all know how that story ended.

{via}

Side note: being 'back home' has made me realize that I don't want a husband or a family. At least not right now. There is so much that I want to do, want to see, want to accomplish, before I ever entertain the thought of settling down.  Ironically, all of these 'action' items involve me leaving home, again.  And these are all realistically within my reach, because I'm still young.

Young, in a sense that I don't have baggage in the form of a mortgage, a marriage, or children to look after.  So, if I want to pack my bags and jet set to Europe for an indefinite amount of time, I can do so. Or, if I decide that I want to move back to California or New York City, or Chicago or wherever, to pursue my dream of being a professional writer, I can.

However, that biological clock is still ticking.  Why, you ask?

Today, I found a gray hair. GRAY!

And a few weeks ago I phoned a friend to see if she wanted to go to the movies.  The conversation:

Me- so what are you interested in seeing? I really want to see Nine, or you know what? That It's Complicated movie looks pretty funny.

Friend- yeah, let's go see that one, although my mom will be upset because she wants to see it.

(later, in the car)

Me- you know, I can't believe I'm willingly going to see a movie that is headlined by people over fifty. I mean, I think the last movie I saw with Steve Martin was The Jerk. And it was a rerun, on like, TCM.

Friend- Yeah, and Merryl Streep is in everything these day.

Me- I just feel like I should I should be going to see... (way to long of a pause)...I don't know, a movie that young people are going to see.

Friend- Um, Amanda, you just admitted to not knowing the young people movie.

See! See! I'm twenty-five, going on fifty.

Are You Lost?

I have a tendency of following television shows, only to get really mad at a story-line and stop watching.  A la Alias, circa season five, when all of a sudden Michael Vaughn wasn't really Michael Vaughn and became a guest star instead of a series regular (most likely due to the IRL break-up with Jennifer Garner).

Most of the time, when new characters are introduced I get bored or annoyed (because character development is paramount to me) so shows like Grey's Anatomy? Yeah, I stopped watching.  Shows that revolve around high school I try to avoid, one-because I'm not in high school anymore, but two- because they can't survive the post-graduation season (I'm talking to you, Gossip Girl).

Basically, I'm a TV show snob, and usually my loyalty is unwavering, but under one condition... good writing.  So when I sat down to watch the season 5 premiere of Lost last winter and basically wasted two hours of my life while they regurgitated past story lines with a new "present-tense" twist, I got fed up, turned off the TV, canceled the DVR recordings, and quickly became an ex-Lost viewer. They lost me.

Pun! [Now that's good writing!!]

Thanks to Facebook and Twitter, though, each and every Wednesday night without fail, my social media experience was inundated with status updates on the awesomeness of Lost.  I stood firm that I wouldn't watch, especially after missing a couple of episodes into the season, there was no way I would understand what was going on... I mean, have you ever watched this show?!


Now, apparently all the shows that I do watch are on hiatus until March. MARCH! Whatever happened to the February sweeps?  And no new TV + unemployment = boredom.  I finally watched the missed episodes of season five of Alias, and I wasn't disappointed-- J.J. Abrams is a genius.  Which got me thinking that he was behind Lost, which was why I started watching it in the first place. [Speaking of JJ, I never watched Felicity...]

At any rate in all this insomniac blabbering, I went out and bought season five of Lost, which is totally messing with my OCD because I own the first two seasons, but not the third or fourth, but I only had money to buy one boxed set.  Ideally, I would love to catch up from the very beginning, since I barely remember what happened at the end of season 4.

Then I found this gem of a video.  And laughed-out-loud at the snarky commentary.



I wonder if it's possible to go into Lost overload, because I'm sure I'll start watching this season and not be able to stop.  I'm already enough of an insomniac as it is.

And a note to President Obama: I love you, I do, really.  But please, please, schedule your State of the Union address for a date other than February 2nd.  If this season is really as good as everyone says it to be, I might die if it's pre-empted.

Billy Corgan Said Today is the Greatest

So, about those new year's resolutions?? The 170+ unread blog posts in my Google Reader this morning were evidence enough that I'm not doing a great job.  The $100+ I spent on boxed sets and movies yesterday at Target is proof that my budget has yet to be finalized. And I don't think the mushroom pate pizza with fontina cheese, prosciutto, and truffle oil combined with three martinis I indulged in on Tuesday night are classified in the eating healthy category. 

But you know what? Today, I don't care. 

 

Today, I danced in my underwear to songs from the sixties.  Today, I sang my heart out until my lungs burned.  Today, I saw beauty in the snow storm, not entrapment.  Today, I realized that I was holding onto my first love for all the wrong reasons, and it's time to let go.  Today, I realized that California is exactly where I want and need to be.  Today, I got all the closure I needed. 

Today, I put the past to rest. 

Today, I was inspired. To create another tomorrow. And to keep creating, one day at a time, until eventually the 'future' I imagine becomes my reality.  Twenty-ten, I'm in love with you already.

*bonus points to those who get the reference in my title*

The Best is Yet to Come

A belated happy holidays to everyone! I hope time was well spent with good company and great food.

As I am adjusting back to the cold, midwest climate, it is comforting to be surrounded by my family and good friends.  It's funny to think that a year ago today I was meeting my future roommates, and was spending the new year's eve holiday with a guy I was truly enamored with.  It has been a journey of laughter and tears over the course of the last year, and while I feel like I have taken a huge step backward by returning home and am once again finding myself wrapped up in old relationship drama, I have a lot of hope and faith that this coming decade will serve to be a wonderful ten years, a decade when I finally achieve my life goals.

{via}

I have decided that this new year's eve will not be spent in a new party dress, spilled booze, and a frantic search for a guy to kiss at the stroke of midnight.  Rather, I have opted to spend the night working- and hopefully a night of sobriety and generous tippers.  Although, I will admit that I plan on partaking in the champagne toast (I love the bubbly!)

A few resolutions I have made: 

1. Commit to eating healthy and working out-- the midwest way of life is slowly creeping back into my habits and I don't like it!
2. Pay off all non-student loan debt by the end of the year.
3. Become more engaged in the blogging community.
4. Be whoever I want to be, with no apologies!

Any resolutions you have made for 2010?

Best of 2009- Person

New person. She came into your life and turned it upside down. He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service. Who is your unsung hero of 2009?

I have been so blessed this year to have crossed paths with the women pictured above.  It seems that through the years the one thing I was always lacking was a close network of girlfriends, my very own Sex and the City gang.  Needless to say, they were waiting for me in California.

Most midwesterners were incredulous when I told them I found my LA roommates via Craigslist, but it is quite the norm on the west coast.  I wouldn't have done it any other way because these girls are amazing.  I never had the bonding college roommate experience, and the dalliances I had with roommates in Ohio were everything short of a soap opera episode, can you say drama?? It was a breath of fresh air to finally live in harmony with two other girls.

While our backgrounds and lifestyles diverged, our friendships blossomed.  Even though we are now spread out, from the east coast, to the midwest, and back to the west coast, I know that my life has been positively changed in the short time I called them my roommates, and the lifetime I get to call them my friends.