The Best is Yet to Come

A belated happy holidays to everyone! I hope time was well spent with good company and great food.

As I am adjusting back to the cold, midwest climate, it is comforting to be surrounded by my family and good friends.  It's funny to think that a year ago today I was meeting my future roommates, and was spending the new year's eve holiday with a guy I was truly enamored with.  It has been a journey of laughter and tears over the course of the last year, and while I feel like I have taken a huge step backward by returning home and am once again finding myself wrapped up in old relationship drama, I have a lot of hope and faith that this coming decade will serve to be a wonderful ten years, a decade when I finally achieve my life goals.

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I have decided that this new year's eve will not be spent in a new party dress, spilled booze, and a frantic search for a guy to kiss at the stroke of midnight.  Rather, I have opted to spend the night working- and hopefully a night of sobriety and generous tippers.  Although, I will admit that I plan on partaking in the champagne toast (I love the bubbly!)

A few resolutions I have made: 

1. Commit to eating healthy and working out-- the midwest way of life is slowly creeping back into my habits and I don't like it!
2. Pay off all non-student loan debt by the end of the year.
3. Become more engaged in the blogging community.
4. Be whoever I want to be, with no apologies!

Any resolutions you have made for 2010?

Best of 2009- Person

New person. She came into your life and turned it upside down. He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service. Who is your unsung hero of 2009?

I have been so blessed this year to have crossed paths with the women pictured above.  It seems that through the years the one thing I was always lacking was a close network of girlfriends, my very own Sex and the City gang.  Needless to say, they were waiting for me in California.

Most midwesterners were incredulous when I told them I found my LA roommates via Craigslist, but it is quite the norm on the west coast.  I wouldn't have done it any other way because these girls are amazing.  I never had the bonding college roommate experience, and the dalliances I had with roommates in Ohio were everything short of a soap opera episode, can you say drama?? It was a breath of fresh air to finally live in harmony with two other girls.

While our backgrounds and lifestyles diverged, our friendships blossomed.  Even though we are now spread out, from the east coast, to the midwest, and back to the west coast, I know that my life has been positively changed in the short time I called them my roommates, and the lifetime I get to call them my friends.

On Who I Am (Right Now)

I've tinkered around a little bit with the blog today, so jump out of the Google Reader and let me know what you think.  Still trying to figure out how to change the font for the side-bar headers and blog titles-- but it's giving me something to do with my time.

I can't believe that it's already been three weeks since I've moved home.  To be completely honest, I definitely think that my doubts and hesitations about leaving California behind were a serious bout of homesickness, something that could have been easily cured with a trip home for the holidays.  But in the spirit of seeing the glass half full, I keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason.  I'm definitely using this time wisely to save up some money for my next big adventure-- wherever it takes me.

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Don't get me wrong, it has been great being home and visiting with family and friends... but I know that something is missing in Ohio. With this new found perspective I know that if given a little more time to make friends, and a little more financial security, I would have been content in California.   Yes, my conservative upbringing made me feel a little out of place in the crazy world of Los Angeles, but my liberal lifestyle is too much to bear for settling down in this small, conservative town.  Maybe I'm destined for a perpetual state of awkwardness, a constant search for a sense of belonging?

In reality, I know that I'm a commitment-phobic, independent soul, with a serious case of wanderlust.  I know this journey will eventually expire, when I achieve my dreams of traveling the world and publishing a book.  My path is unconventional to many- but I'm accustomed to being the outsider looking in.  My emotions are muted, until manifested in written form.  I can't be smothered by conventions, corporations, or what most people may expect from me.

I'm hardwired to always be leaving. And I'm okay with that.

Best of 2009- Place

The best place. A coffee shop? A pub? A retreat center? A cubicle? A nook?

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Driving along the coast every morning is the place I miss most about Los Angeles. Sometimes the smog was so thick you couldn't even see the Palisades, but those were the mornings when the scenery matched my caffeine-deprived haze into work.

Other days it was sunny and blue, and you couldn't help but to smile and pinch yourself that yes, this is your life. This is your daily commute. Most often those were the mornings riddled with laughter and dance parties in the VW with my roommate, coworker- but most of all my friend.

Clear or smog-laced, there's nothing I wouldn't do for another morning drive down Vista del Mar.

Best of 2009- Album

Album of the year. What’s rocking your world?

They hail from Paris-- well, Versailles actually. You may have heard them on the catchy Cadillac commercial, or a bevy of hit television shows including Entourage, Melrose Place, and Cougar Town. Maybe you saw them on their late-night talk show circuit when they performed on SNL, Jimmy Fallon, and Conan.

And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, stop everything you're doing and march your little cyber butt over to iTunes and purchase their latest album, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix.

Oh, yeah... the band is Phoenix.

I can't remember exactly when I first one of their songs, but it's been a love affair ever since. While they still aren't considered mainstream, they are starting to gain national exposure, earning their first Grammy nomination for alternative album of the year.

Why are you still here, reading this? And not downloading their music (legally, of course?)

Well, since you stayed I went to Youtube so I could post a video to begin everyone else's love affair, and I found this gem. Love. Love. Love. I may watch it everyday-- my favorite song from the album and the brat pack? Oh my.

Best of 2009-- Challenge

Challenge. Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?

Moving to California. Making new friends. Getting over heart ache. Unemployment. Returning home. Leaving behind new friends. I think the better question is, what wasn't a challenge this year?

In all my life, I have never been stripped of every comfort and sense of security. I have never felt so vulnerable and intimidated, and even at times hopeless. Following on the heels of a bitter depression, this year has been transformative in so many positive ways that I could spend the rest of the year rehashing it all.

Each and every day this year has been a gift, offering a new challenge and learning experience. The days may not have always ended on a good note, but even though my vision may have been blurred by tears, I could see just how much my landscape was changing.

With that, I challenge myself to continue this path into the next year, and the ones that follow. Even though I find myself physically back where I was a year ago, I've never felt more emotionally healthy and optimistic that my current position is never the ultimate destination.

Best of 2009- Moment of Peace

Moment of peace. An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?

I'm reposting an entry taken from my previous blog, dated May 22, 2009. After re-reading this post, I think it truly marks my 'moment of peace,' this year. A turning point in my life where I realized that the most important thing is to be true to yourself.

Seven months have passed since I first wrote these words and so much has happened. Never did I imagine that my life would be what it is in this moment. But through these words I know that where I am today does not necessitate where I will be in another seven months. With that, I have hope- I'm still on this journey, it doesn't end because California is over. California was just the beginning, and Ohio is another pit-stop along the way.

Today has been one of those days where if I was still seven years old I would have stomped down the hallway, slammed my door, opened it back up thrown out a stuffed animal, and then slammed the door again. Should anyone come looking for me I’d undoubtedly be slumped on my bed, arms tightly crossed against my body.

Luckily, I’m not seven years old anymore. Unluckily, I’m very passive aggressive, and my temper tantrum involved one exasperated sigh, some nonsense rambling to my roommate, and Oreos.

So what if I self-medicate with cookies. I never said I didn’t have the appetite of a seven year old.

The source of all this pent-up anger? I’m at one giant crossroads in my life, where two freight trains are approaching from different directions, and they’re about to collide. I am frustrated with myself, annoyed with people around me, and just want to tie up all my loose ends and get on with my life. I hate being dictated by “well it’s a job, and it pays bills,” and “everyone is feeling the crunch,” and “do you want a pint or a tall?”

That last one was thrown in there for good measure, and yeah- pun intended.

Five months ago I had a full-time job and was a college professor. On paper, I had it together. But I was falling apart at the seams. Now it seems that I have nothing.

Except a lot of debt.

Debt that was created by getting my Masters degree, an objective I set to get me away from home. But I preceeded to make mistake after mistake after mistake. Drink after drink, wrong friend after wrong friend. The only good to come of anything was my internship, an opportunity to make good for myself. Mere weeks later I was making mistakes that inevitably led to a lingering depression that began the slippery slope to many more mistakes.

I’ve been in a downward spiral since college graduation. Come to think of it, it began spring semester, senior year– with a sip (more like gulp) of booze, attention from boys, and a side of baseball. A recipe for disaster.

For the most part, I’ve been a late developer of sorts. Most of my monumental life experiences have come years after my peers have gone through the same experiences. Usually, I have such high expectations for these experiences that they generally become catastrophic. My high school life was spent doing homework, playing sports, volunteering, and having a part-time job. In college I had two jobs, an internship, and a full course load. My first dabble with alcohol started at a frat party and ended at the hospital, and I didn’t touch the sauce again until my 21st birthday. Needless to say, I grew up very sheltered, I was always on the outskirts looking in.

Life after college for me should have been career, career, career- as it is for most post-grad 22 year-olds. Instead, my thought process was life after college meant having a life. Student loan debt should have been solely an investment in a Masters degree, but instead the debt symbolized freedom to live the life I felt I’d been deprived of in college and high school.

Roommates. Boyfriends. Parties. Irresponsibility. Something my peers had been educated in for the past four years while my nose had been stuck in books.

Where am I now? College has been over for three years. I have nothing to show for it. I’m competing for jobs with kids, kids, that graduated three weeks ago.

Peers my age are in lasting relationships, some are married, and some are even having children. I haven’t had a guy take me serious enough to want a relationship. I generally force it on them until they call me crazy, and say “but I thought you were the I-just-want-to-have-fun-type,” and move on- only to begin a serious relationship with the very next girl. (Apparently there’s a fine-line between not wanting anything serious, but still wanting a committed relationship- whatever happened to taking things slow?)

Told you I’m years behind my peers.

What happened to me? I like to believe that I’m a very old-fashioned, well mannered, well-educated person. I say please and thank you, I don’t swear, and I treat everyone exactly how I would like to be treated (even if it’s not reciprocated).

The truth is, I worked so hard to create a life that I thought I should be having, that I took away the life I wanted. I became what people wanted me to be, and stripped myself of the person I was. Now, I run in circles of friends that I detest because of their insidious lifestyles, yet I can’t seem to find the escape route from these negative influences. I have fallen victim to “you are the friends you keep,” and have a reputation for being the type of person I am not. California was supposed to be my escape route, and here I am. With the same crowd. With the same platinum blonde hair. The same routine Friday nights at the same bars with the same drinks.

I fell victim to the grass is always greener syndrome. I was the loner that wanted the popularity. Now I have the popularity, and I want the obscurity.

I am such a disappointment to myself.

Those two freight trains I mentioned earlier are going to collide, and hopefully soon. With one comes what I’m searching for in my career– success: a culmination of hard-work, networking, and recognition. With the other comes a social network: a culmination of educated, cultured, passionate individuals. I am a Yuppie at heart.

I am finished thinking I’m being deprived of life experiences just because my life doesn’t follow the same path of my peers or every television plot line. I am no longer going to contort my values to be a part of a crowd that outwardly “has it all.” Especially when I know firsthand that they generally don’t have it all, unless all is a smorgasbord of issues. I am no longer going to be a disappointment to myself- to the girl who shouldn’t hide the fact that she prefers Candide to Lipstick Jungle, to the girl that prefers a day of beach volleyball to two hours on a treadmill, to the girl that prefers a diet coke to a vodka soda, to the girl who prefers Target to , and to the girl that prefers a double-double from In-N-Out to tofu stirfry.

My life will not be dictated by how many pounds I weigh, how many grams of sugar I consume, or how much money I can spend. And when I do something– whether its splurge on a pair of shoes, read Bitter is the New Black, treat myself to a sushi dinner, or complete the 30-day Shred- I’m doing so because I want to, because I want a reprieve from the norm, not because it’s going to earn me brownie points with the cool crowd. For that matter, the cool crowd wouldn’t even eat a brownie. Whereas I eat the whole pan.

Maybe California is the escape route, after all. My clean slate. I have no friends, just roommates. I have no career, just a bartending gig. I have (a lot of) lessons learned.

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ~Carl Bard, Scottish Theologian

Best of 2009- Blog

Blog find of the year. That gem of a blog you can’t believe you didn’t know about until this year.

I've had several blogs through the years, hosted at Live Journal and Xanga through my angsty, woe is me teenage years, a short stint on MySpace, and most recently on Wordpress, and now Blogger.

So, in the blog world, I've been around.

But in all those years I've never shared my writing with anyone- anonymity was key, but mostly, I had set all my privacy settings accordingly. Likewise, I wasn't much of a blog-reader. Over the course of this year, I discovered several social networking sights like BlogHer and 20sb, not to mention Twitter. Through these outlets I have found so many wonderful bloggers and women who are following their hearts and dreams. Their shared stories have gotten me through so many rough days, whether they know it or not. I'm still not sure whether anyone really reads my blog, but I will continue keeping up with my newfound blogging treasures.

One such blogger that I have come to adore is Kerri, at Your Wishcake. She writes without abandon, whether its showcasing her latest etsy purchase (loved the chartreuse tea table), sharing her innermost thoughts on religion, or writing about your typical twenty-something 'day-in-the-life' shenanigans. Whatever the post may be, I always find myself nodding in agreement. She puts thoughts to words so eloqently that she's become a daily read.

And she also has her own Etsy shop, go check her out!

Best of 2009- Night Out

Night out. Did you have a night out with friends or a loved one that rocked your world? Who was there? What was the highlight of the night?


It's hard to pin-point a singular night out, because most nights out with these girls were one in the same... fun! There have been plenty of Sunday Fundays, karoake nights, random B-list celebrity sightings, and even a three-am jaunt down Hollywood Blvd. in search of a lost roommate and a slice of pizza.

The photo above is from my very first night out in Hollywood- at Les Deux night club.

To be honest, the night is a blur after we "befriended" some guys who had their very own VIP table, but what I do know was that there was a lot of dancing, our personal driver who we named Abdul, and a Hollywood-Dog nightcap.

There were definitely more memorable nights after this, but it certainly was the beginning of many good memories made in Hollywood.

Best of 2009- Book

Book. What book – fiction or non – touched you? Where were you when you read it? Have you bought and given away multiple copies?

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"People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you're fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly." Elizabeth Gilbert

This was a year where I was reunited with the public library, rediscovered my passion for reading and writing, and even fell victim to the Twilight series. But without a doubt, the best book I read in 2009 was Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Gilbert's memoir spent over a year at the top spot on the NY Times Bestseller's List, and with good reason. She chronicles her year-long journey of self-discovery and healing that took her from Italy to Indonesia to Bali, where she learned to love herself again, and most importantly, to love again.

Although I am at an entirely differently place in my life, Gilbert's words spoke volumes and my copy of her book is dog-eared and underlined all over. It is truly a book that I will continue to read over and over, and without doubt gain something new from each experience. While my eleven months in California pale in comparison to her more worldly travels, I whole-heartedly agree that depression can be fought without anti-depressants, that a little vulnerability and writing can go a long way.

Since finishing her book last spring, I have been itching to travel abroad and continue my journey in learning more about the world, and most importantly, more about myself. By appearances it may seem that I have taken a backwards step by abandoning California, but it is all a part of a bigger vision I have that sees me purchasing a one-way ticket to Europe and seeing where life takes me- whether it's a trip of a few weeks or several months, is yet to be seen. But I do know that it is imminent, and hopefully, life-altering.

Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love is set to hit the big screen in 2011, with Julia Roberts at the helm, and her follow up book Committed is due for a January 2010 publication. In the meantime, I've been admiring Jamie Varon's journey on A Life in Translation.

The Worst 'Best Of' Participation Award Goes To...

So much is going on that I'm terrible at keeping up with my poor little blog. I stripped it over a month ago when I started on the re-design. As you can tell by the boring white-ness, I didn't get very far.

Then I began 20sb "Best of 2009" Challenge, where I write 31 posts in 31 days. And I can't even keep up with that two days in a row. Blog fail!

Yesterday's "best of" was: Restaurant moment. Share the best restaurant experience you had this year. Who was there? What made it amazing? What taste stands out in your mind?

It's a safe assumption that most everything is going to be LA-centric. I already really miss California, and am left wondering if I made the right decision. I'm sure time will tell. So, my favorite restaurant moment was eating at The Bazaar at the SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills. I originally wrote about it here.

Today's "best of" is: Article. What’s an article that you read that blew you away? That you shared with all your friends. That you Delicious’d and reference throughout the year.

What's really surprising is that I more or less stalk CNN, LATimes, and the Cincinnati Enquirer websites all day reading countless articles ranging from local to world news, with a bunch of other random articles thrown in-- take, for example, an article I recently read about athlete's wives in light of the recent Tiger Woods' scandal. Yet despite my apparent news-obsessive behavior, nothing has really resonated with me this year. Perhaps its my Twitter-induced ADD, after all I see the majority of my news there first, in 140 characters or less.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm going to get better at this blogging business-- this is my third attempt, third time's a charm?

Best of 2009 Challenge

What a whirlwind 2009 has been for me, beginning with a cross country road trip into the virtually unknown, followed by eleven months of soul searching and defining my life and goals, and ending with a very tortured decision to move back home.

Despite everything- the good and the bad, and everything in between, I have no doubt that I would do it all again if given a chance. There is nothing in the world that money can buy that can replace all the learning experiences I have had the last year.

So, that being said, I decided to participate in 20sb (2o-something-blogger) Best of 2009 Challenge, where each day I'm prompted to reflect on something that happened in my life this year. I think this is a great opportunity to document one of the most life-changing years I've had in this quintessential 20-something mid-life crisis.

Today's prompt: What was your best trip in 2009?

My biggest trip, most definitely, was the drive to California--and due to budgetary limitations, there weren't too many other trips. San Diego a few times, Anaheim for a baseball game, and a camping adventure to Sequoia.

But the best trip? Hands down, Vegas, baby!!! Of course, it's probably cliche to claim Vegas as the cream of the crop, after all it's Sin City, but my trip was an offhand comment at dinner turned into a random weeknight road trip.So, let's explain.

My roommate and I have a running joke that our favorite sushi restaurant, fondly referred to as "Boats," always leads to the most entertaining evenings- ranging from pub crawls, to sold out rock shows, to frozen yogurt binges. Partly because it was our favorite place, partly because they have an awesome deal during the week, and mostly because I was moving back to Ohio and am convinced the sushi here is rotten- the roommates and I decided to eat there one last time.

As with most conversations during my last few days in California, there was a lot of incredulous discussions about how I could possibly leave such a beautiful place, which in turn led to how I was planning my grand return and crashing a work conference in San Francisco next year. (And by crashing, I mean being a tourist all day and partying at night, clearly). This particular conference also is held in Vegas.

I can't believe you've lived in LA all this time, and have never been to Vegas, says one of my roommates.

Pause. An exchange of looks.

Let's go to Vegas!!!!!

And that is how I ended up on a random road trip to Vegas on a Monday night, three days before I was scheduled to fly back to Ohio. The road trip was complete with chugged cans of Red Bulls, plenty of car dance parties, and tons of laughter. The four hours spent in a fog of chain smokers and alcoholics, was the funnest four hours I had had in a really long time.

Sometimes, a little spontaneity is all you need to make lasting memories.

Glass Half...

One thing I've learned through the years is that I have a tendency to be a pessimist, a glass half empty type of person. This is a quality that I admittedly detest, and one that I am constantly working really hard on trying to change.

Life has taught me that everything happens for a reason. Things have happened through the years that have shaped me into this individual I am today- flaws and quirks alike. However, I am making concerted efforts to take each and every opportunity in the present and future as a positive experience, a glass-half full perspective, if you will.


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I try to imagine where I was in life a year ago and in doing so I cringe at the thought that I'm willingly returning to a place that I so eagerly left behind. Yet upon further reflection, I realize that I am returning to only to the physical place, the emotional turmoil I fled has long passed.

So even if California was ultimately not where I'm destined to be, it has been such a blessing and a beautiful landscape for me to find myself again. To become the woman that I always wanted to be. A woman who is honest, reliable, and genuine- and most importantly, who does not seek acceptance but rather- individuality.

Without a doubt I am going to miss California- how serene the ocean looks against the mountain backdrop every day on my way to work, the sound of skateboard wheels on the asphalt, the friends I have made who are nothing like me at all but who I love nevertheless, the culture that I've been exposed to and never want to lose, and the incessant sunshine and sea breeze.

Yet in losing these qualities I so treasure in California, I'm gaining more in Ohio. The comfort of country roads and not needing a navigational device, the pristine landscape after winter's first snow fall, and getting to watch my nieces and nephews grow up before my own eyes.

I have made reference before that I would love to do what Elizabeth Gilbert did in Eat, Pray, Love, but I'm realizing that perhaps I already began that journey. I have spent the past eleven months shedding so many layers and walls that I developed over the years, and allowed my vulnerability to guide the way.

I'm ready to return to that physical place that I didn't flee, but left for safe-keeping until I was ready to come home fully restored. I think that I have a lot to prove to a lot of people, but I am also confident in my resolve and who I am.

Sometimes music speaks to the soul.

Times have changed, and times are strange;
Here I come but I ain't the same; Mama I'm coming home
ozzy osbourne

I made the decision this week that I'm going home. I'm leaving California and it freaks me out. Because even with my discontent with certain aspects of life out west, I've changed and grown and become such a different person than I was a year ago. And I'm afraid to lose that- to lose this new sense of self, of independence, of understanding and contentment. I'm afraid of slipping back into old habits, I'm afraid of losing my sense of adventure, and most importantly I'm afraid of losing the freedom to enjoy a liberal assimilation of all cultures.

The midwest is different. It's conservative. It's a little outdated. It's reserved. It's everything I am not. But it's so much a part of me. Because the midwest is kind, it is entrenched with morals and community. The midwest is my comfort zone, it's welcoming and annoying all at once.

But I'll come back to you in a year or so
And I'll rebuild, be ready to become
noah and the whale

So I am hesitantly returning to a place that simultaneously welcomes me with open arms, but casts a judgemental eye to anyone who displays any signs of indifference or individuality. I am not a cookie cutter image of the midwest.

I am not even certain that I'm making the best decision. What I do know is that something is missing in California. Maybe I'll find it back home. Then again, maybe this journey doesn't end, and moving home is one more stop along the way. A rejuvenation of sorts. Perhaps a year from now finds me in another time and place.

Until then, I'm ready to be a big fish in a little pond once more.

Where I Profess my Gleek-dom

Is anyone else completely obsessed with this show? Because I absolutely adore it. The singing, the dancing, the mash-ups, the humor, the ooh-la-la eye candy (I'm talking to you Cory Monteith), and not to mention it fictionally takes place in Ohio.

It's official, I am a Gleek. And I am not ashamed.

Sadly, there isn't a new episode until next week. My Wednesday nights just haven't been the same the last few weeks since Glee has been pre-empted due to the World Series. But if there is one thing I love more than Glee, it's baseball, so I'm okay with that.

So imagine my elation when the cast sang the national anthem this past Saturday for Game 3 in Philly. My two favorites. At. The. Same. Time.

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Seeing this happen really makes me miss working for a major league baseball team. I never got star struck when celebrities were visiting the stadium and I just so happened to run across them or accompanied them onto the field for pre-game ceremonies... but this would have been an exception. I would definitely have been that giddy, annoying, 'ohmygosh'ing' fangirl begging for a photograph.

Which is precisely why my roommate and I are going to The Grove this Saturday for their CD signing at Barnes and Nobles. I think the last time I did anything of this nature I was about ten years old and Brian Austin Green (yes, David Silver) was signing something at a local mall.

Again, I have no shame.

Also, I want to be real-life-bff's with Dianna Agron (Quinn). Go check out her tumblr. Seriously, its named after Alice in Wonderland. Brilliant.

Under Construction

I want a degree in graphic design and photography. If for no other reason than to make this blog BEAUTIFUL. Because right now I am not happy with it. So please ignore the ugliness.

Tomorrow officially begins life detox. This includes ridding myself from all negativity, pursuing activities that make me happy (even if they make me dorky), eating healthy---aka not raiding the candy dish twenty times a day at work, working out regularly, and maintaining a sober lifestyle. After all, alcohol is a poison so why put my body through it?

I know, I know. I've said it a million times. But prior to moving to LA I wasn't drinking, and I was totally fine with that. The last year has once again been turbulent- and the common denominator? Alcohol. I tip-toed back into that scene for the sake of making friends.

But it's time to make real friends. Whose responses don't drip with condescension when I say I don't want to wear a slutty Halloween costume (I suck at peer pressure). Friends who want to go to pumpkin patches and spend Wednesday nights watching Glee and eating cupcakes (without moaning how doing so makes them a cow).

It's time to come into my own and stamp out peer pressure. Once. And. For. All.

Thoughts from the Doorstep

"I never thought much about South Haven until I moved to Chicago... South Haven was just Town, as in 'let's go to Town and get an ice cream.' Town was groceries and hardware and Mackenzie's Bakery and the sheet music and records at the Music Emporium...We used to stand in front of Appleyard's Photography Studio making up stories about the brides and toddlers and families smiling their hideous smiles in the window. We didn't think the library was funny-looking in its faux Greek splendor, nor did we find the cuisine limited and bland, or the movies at the Michigan Theater relentlessly American and mindless. These were opinions I came to later, after I became a denizen of a City, an expatriate anxious to distance herself from the bumpkin ways of her youth. I am suddenly consumed by nostalgia for the little girl who was me, who loved the fields...who spent winter days home sick from school reading Nancy Drew and sucking menthol cough drops..."
Audrey Niffenegger/The Time Traveler's Wife

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Yes, I'm just now getting around to reading this book (public libraries are a god send, unless the book you want just got made into a movie and you're number 400 in the hold queue- true story).

I also got locked out of my apartment tonight, and this just so happened to be the passage I read while waiting for someone to come home. It really struck a chord with me, and I paused to think about my current situation... if you have had any sort of conversation with me over the past two weeks, you know that I've been considering moving home.

But tonight I realized that moving home is not what I want. I love the small town I grew up in, with its red brick roads and its one stop-light main street. I love that any given day of the week you can get stuck behind a hay-wagon on your way in to the grocery store. And probably once you get there, you run into about five others that you know.

Rock meet hard place. Because I love that just two blocks away from my apartment rest a brazilian, mediterranean, italian, mexican, tapa, and italian restaurant. I love that the city skyscrapers climb the sky and litter them with urban stars. I love that any given day of the week you can cross paths with celebrities and its no big deal.

Sometimes the nostalgia gets overwhelming and I grow homesick. Sometimes the City is overwhelming with its gridlock traffic and superficiality and I get frustrated. And then I find the balance that the small town is the reason I am the person I am today, and the City is teaching me how to become the person I was meant to be.

A Thank You

I know I have been absent for a few weeks now, but I've been struggling to find my voice and to synthesize my thoughts where this rollercoaster ride of emotions is more like a leisurely, Sunday drive.

But in my lack of writing, I have found a wonderful world of bloggers that I have come to love dearly and look to for daily inspiration. I wanted to take the time to formally thank them, since often times I am reading at work and can't delurk.

So, officially--thank you your wishcake for always perfectly putting into words how exactly I feel- your honesty and vulnerability is truly inspiring. Thank you everyday musings for showing me how to appreciate the simple things in life, whether it's a scrumptious cupcake or a whimsical new apartment, you have a magical way of finding beauty in the small things I often overlook. Thank you the rockstar diaries for sharing your love of art and photography, whether it's the beauty of new york city or your lovely weekends spent with your hubby, it's all dazzling through your lens. Thank you an experiment in poverty for proving that you can still find fun and love, even on a budget.

These are all wonderful bloggers and I encourage everyone to go check them out. Do it! Whether they know it or not each of them has reshaped how I look at life and I am now challenging myself in new ways to improve my scope and perspective. In that respect, there are many more but I would be here all night.

It's a Season of Change, Fall is Here

The blinds danced against the window pane this morning as tendrils of the crisp, fall air filtered into my bedroom, driving me deeper under the covers. And for a brief moment, while I lingered in the last stages of sleep, I felt a sense of familiarity creep up on me. Perhaps it was the evening spent in front of the fire place, tucked under a blanket and watching Away We Go, my newest favorite indie film to truly capture the meaning of love. The first fire of the season. So when the day should have been met with a groan and a snoozed alarm clock, a slow smile spread across my lips. Fall had finally arrived in Los Angeles.

And in those fleeting moments this morning where the warmth of the night was giving way to morning, I forgot about every worry that has been plaguing me. I wasn't a twenty-something searching for answers, for an identity, or for a sense of security. I was just another girl awaking to embark on her routine day, cherishing the chance to see the another clear blue sky, and even a little bit of my breath in the cool air. A reminder that no matter where I am in life, or in the world, change will always find me.

The horizon may no longer be peppered with sunset-painted leaves, afternoons may still be too warm for the enjoyment of a pumpkin-spice latte, and boots and scarves may be tucked away in closets for a few more weeks... but today, the little part of me that has been aching for home, stopped and appreciated the home I have made here in California.

I Can't Believe I'm Writing This

I have a confession... I finally gave in. To the Twilight hysteria. I couldn't take it anymore. One, I sort of loved the soundtrack to the movie. Which then turned in to me watching the movie. And I'm a sucker for angsty love stories, especially when there is an air of intrigue and mystery.

As in, does she become a vampire?



Seriously. This is important information. And no one would tell me. "Read the books," they would say. And I would huff and puff and in my literary snobbery proudly proclaim that I'm "too good for young adult novels."

But after months of no answers, and then seeing the New Moon trailer... wait, he is a WEREWOLF? I couldn't take it anymore. I needed answers, and apparently the only way I was going to get them would be by reading the saga.

And now, here I am, blogging about a fictional teenage love story that I so adamantly refused to read. And it's taken over my life, where I haven't even blogged in weeks (and there's so much to blog about)!

The worst part is that these books are terribly written... seriously, I just finished New Moon and there were so many grammatical errors it was annoying (editors, anyone). And don't get me started on the whole Volturri scene, what a waste of a climactic storyline (at least it looks like the movie director took some artistic discretion and gave it some action).

Nonetheless I am obsessed. I had a dream about vampires last night, what is wrong with me? And I had to go buy the third book because I'm too far back in the "hold list" at the library.

I. Just. Need. To. Know. How. It. Ends.

Until then, my life belongs to this saga. My blog will go unwritten. I have two books to go.

Oh, and Harry Potter for the win. :)

Don't Send The Search Party

Don't be alarmed. I am still here. My Google reader continues to be my number one checked website, aside from Facebook. I just haven't been blogging.

A large part of it stems from a conversation I had with my dad about separation of personal and private life, which led to me making my previous blog completely private, and removing the link to this one from all social networking sites.

But then it just turned into me not writing- because I don't know how to write what I feel without being personal. I can't mask the emotions, whether good or bad, they are the reality of this stage of my life. A stage that is full of contradictions. A stage that is a measuring stick of where I am relative to others, or rather, where I am not. And of course, the ever present question of where I want to be. But it also is a stage that I share with millions of my peers, and by documenting all the highs and lows I've found that I am not alone in my confusion.

In my blogging absence I've done a lot of soul searching and examining new goals and directions, new friendships and old ones, too. In the last month I've teetered between being ready to pack everything up and go home, and the next instant I'm flooded with all the memories that chased me out of the Midwest. It's the conundrum of fearing the return to entrapment by way of a small town, but not being able to find my footing in the big city. I can envision perfectly the life I want, yet I am struggling to see it through.

Perfection, it's always been my problem. My expectations are always set high, perhaps too high so that failure is always within reach. I stopped writing because I feared people would see these flaws through my words, and I hid behind the intermittent comments of praise and positivity that I litter the blogosphere with.

While I gathered so much inspiration from all the creative, positive, and lovely bloggers that have quickly become a daily read; an anxiety began to settle-- I had so much to say, to write, and was ashamed that I couldn't emulate such beautiful, uplifting posts. At least not every day.

And so, maybe it's best to separate the personal from the private. But I've never been one do what people say is wise. I am known best for my stubbornness and defying common sense. But at the end of the day, what I write is not fodder for dismissal in a professional setting, nor is it worthy of scandalous chatter. It is life through my eyes, as a twenty-something. Sometimes it's positive, and other times the depression settles in. But it is real. And it is me.

Smoky The Bear Says...

While the midwest prepares for its fall season with boots and ciders, Los Angeles is preparing for its fall season (otherwise known as fire season).

And as we enjoy our 300+ days of sunshine, we also must deal with water conservation and serious drought, which by summers' end can turn dangerous. I'm not sure how far the news spreads (although I should presume the Angeleno attitude and in that case, I'm sure you've all heard) but Los Angeles is on fire.

Literally.

Time Lapse Test: Station Fire from Eric Spiegelman on Vimeo.

How freaky is this video? It gives that crazy Mayan 2012 prophecy a very eerie feel, don't you think. But all kidding aside, this fire is dangerous! 105,000 acres have already burned, 12 thousand homes are threatened, and two firefighter's lives have been claimed. The air quality index in some parts of the Valley are the worst they've been in years, with levels well over 300 (100 is considered bad). My heart goes out to the families that have been displaced and evacuated, and the 50+ who's homes have gone up in flames.

It makes me very thankful that I live in one of the beach cities, where the ashen sky can only be seen in the distance, and the only disturbance it causes to my daily life is that my radio station doesn't come in because its tower is down.

Wherever you may be, whether your an Angeleno or in the midwest, please keep these families and firefighters in your thoughts and prayers.

Vegetarian Vampires That Sparkle

I've spent the better half of the weekend watching the quintessential chic flicks. You know, the ones with Sandra Bullock as the 'girl next door,' the ones with the cheesy unrealistic romantic leads (these guys just don't exist), and the ones that require multiple tissues.

And for someone who really doesn't believe in the fairy tale 'happily ever after' I haven't been able to pull myself away from the television. I know the ending to every movie I've watched this weekend, either because I've already seen it (multiple times) or its so cliche and transparent that it would be hard not to guess the resolution. Boy and girl fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

Gag.

Except for this weekend, this fantasy world of "I love you's" was just what I needed. Going along with my last post, something weird is going on. I've ooh'ed and aah'ed at all the ridiculous monologues delivered with charm and boyishly good looks.

For the first time in goodness-knows-how-long my sarcasm has taken a backseat and that love-sick girly girl I always knew existed finally emerged. I may not whole-heartedly buy into the Hollywood notion of a love story, but I'm at least willing to give it a chance.

Last week, I finally got the closure that I've needed. I closed a chapter that had been never-ending for over two years. It was much easier than I ever imagined, and it was the first milestone in measuring how far I've come in my personal growth over the last eight months.

Now that I have a stronger sense of who I am and what I want, I have the courage and confidence to stand up for me and everything that encompasses. I realize that I don't have to change who I am to make a guy fall in love with me- all that does is strip me of my own self-worth, and to portray a false image to the one I'm wasting my love on. Because in the end, I need someone who loves me, for me.

So, thank you week-end chick-flick bender, for showing me that not every guy is going to insult my morals, that not every guy is going to ignore my inner beauty to only measure who I am by the number on the scale and the color of my hair, that not every guy is going to disrespect me by putting me down in front of others, that not every guy is going to take his own insecurities out on me.

But- not every guy is going to serenade me with a guitar, bring me flowers for no reason, or recite some prose about how I am the love of his life. However, my faith has been restored that if I let go of all the guys who have not been what I wanted, that the guy I want is out there waiting to be found.

And I'm ready to start the search party. Finally.

And now I'm going to go watch Twilight.

Missing the Midwest

Something weird is going on.

It may be because I've spent the last three afternoons watching the Reds play the Dodgers on television. It may be because one roommate is on holiday in Greece, and the other moved back to her hometown, leaving me with an empty nest. It may be because I spent a week at home gaining closure and clarity with certain aspects of the life I left behind.

But I'm really homesick today.

{via}

Summer (un)officially ends next weekend with the Labor Day Holiday. With that, comes the arrival of fall- my favorite time of year. Fall always marks a season of change and rejuvenation, and as I reflect on the last year, I feel that the changes I began last fall have finally come full circle. Yet, at the same time, I am growing nostalgic for the life I left behind, or rather the image of the life I wanted but could never find.

I don't know what the future holds for me in California, which is unnerving at times. Day-to-day I seem to be making my way just fine, because I am happy. But then there are the days like the ones I've had this weekend, where I miss the times I could spend any summer afternoon on the couch watching my favorite baseball team, or meander up the street to my local bar and know that I would be surrounded by friends and people who knew me best.

I already miss the changing of the seasons, when daylight fades a little earlier, and mornings are crisp and damp with dew. When Fridays are spent at high school football fields, and Sundays spent at Longworth Hall in the sea of orange and black.

Sometimes, I miss the ease of life in the midwest.

So this fall, as I take a look at where I am, how far I've come, and where I want to be, I have a lot to evaluate, and even more to change. And hopefully, in the meantime, Los Angeles gives me a little fall weather to comfort me.

Get Real!

Two weeks ago my roommates and I switched cable carriers, and finally- after eight months- I was able to get cable installed in my room. Which spells T.R.O.U.B.L.E. Otherwise known as ridiculous amounts of time wasted watching reality television.

Without fail, I always get sucked into these shows. They're so pointless that I usually spend the thirty minutes snickering at the dumb things that are being done and/or said.

Alas, I've found two diamonds in the rough, and I'm sort of obsessed with both.

Giuliana & Bill Style Network, Wednesday Nights

They may be the cutest couple. Ever. Sure, they may be in the newlywed phase of their marriage, but I think they have a pretty awesome dynamic. I love that she calls him Rancic, it's endearing- even if it is his last name. They've also managed to restore my hope in modern marriage, which is saying a lot. They both make compromises and sacrifices for the other, and I think that's just swell. Plus their dorky personalities mesh amazingly well. Their interview banters are hilarious.

Another plus, Bill sported a Miami hoody during last week's episode. Way to represent! I also adore Guiliana's assistant, Matt- he's a doll.

Good news, it was picked up for a second season.

Ok, moving on.

Ace of Cakes; Food Network

So I may not know when new episodes actually air, because I've just seen repeats at random times of the day- but I've seen enough to know that I want to be BFF with these people. They speak my language-- sarcasm.

I would also like Geof to be my boyfriend. And bake me cupcakes. I don't know why, exactly, but I have a major crush on him. He is the epitome of my I want a hipster dork boyfriend.

Oh, and these people are amazingly talented. I'm jealous. My attempts at baking look pathetic and make me fat. Epic Fail.

I should probably get a social life. Noted.

Any reality shows you are obsessed with? Why?

The Last Block in Harlem

Below you will find my review for the novel The Last Block in Harlem, which I had previously posted on another blog. I wanted to repost here because the book is gaining steam and attention in its hometown of New York City. Author and publisher Christopher Herz has taken to the streets and is personally selling copies of the book. There is a great article about his efforts, which can be read here. I always find it inspiring to hear when people have left behind conventional success to follow their dreams.
"Inside Central Park there are people dying, men dropping down on one knee to propose, young couples enjoying the simplicity of a passionate kiss, old couples trying to find new paths to walk, single women glancing over the tops of the books they're reading to see if anyone is worth escaping fiction for, joggers trying to tone their bodies enough to look good in a suit come Monday..."

Such is the image of New York City that Christopher Herz vividly paints in his novel The Last Block in Harlem. It is a landscape that I fell in love with four years ago during my first visit to the city, and so eagerly found myself lost within with each turn of the page. From mid-day to midnight subway rides to the everday bustle of a Harlem neighborhood, Herz authentically captures what I can only imagine life in the 'Big Apple' is like, so much so that I felt as if I was reading the book on a stoop of a brownstone rather than on the sandy beaches of the west coast.

The Last Block in Harlem introduces us to a young, male protagonist, whose name is never revealed, at least not that I can remember-- but who I assume has a similar background as the author. Having physically relocated from California, but unable to escape his past misgivings, our protagonist sets out to escape reality by changing the tangible-- the trash that has cluttered his neighborhood.
An act of philanthropy, that begins with a broom and a dust pan, quickly escalates to a neighborhood movement against gentrification. Along the way, Herz introduces us to a handful of characters on the streets of Harlem- from the elderly neighbor Sukal who has an affinity for cats, to the young man known as The Boxer who had fallen from glory only to be resurrected by the movement. These vignettes into the background of each individual infuse life, shape and depth into the plot and novel beyond the narrative voice.
As a twentysomething who is undeniably in the midst of my quarter-life crisis, I found it easy to relate to the protagonist as he struggles to find harmony in his life- whether in overcoming his past, questioning his career, or finding a worthwhile cause to contribute to-- each issue is one which I have faced myself in the past six months. Additionally, as I consider approaching a career in advertising, this novel provided great insight into the corporate structure of the industry, regardless of whether its fictitious in nature or not.
What I found most intriguing was the parallel between the deception of the advertising world and the events that unfold in Harlem. Herz writes, "I didn't mind being tricked because it gave me a comfortable reality." Though it describes his initial attraction to advertising, it is also fittingly foreshadows the rest of the novel.
Herz's writing style and format is very simple and clear cut, which most likely stems from his background as a copywriter, making The Last Block in Harlem a quick read. Nonetheless, it is definitely worthwhile to spend an afternoon and get lost in Harlem with all its unique characters.
For more information, or to purchase your own copy of the novel, please visit www.canalpublishing.com

On Going Home

Andy Warhol once said, "They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." Such words have never resonated with me as much as they did this past week when I was visiting home.

Home. Amazing how four little letters can carry such meaning. I spent the first twenty-four years of my life in a small, midwestern town with conservative ideals- and an endearing love for all things simple. I was raised with morals that I am so grateful to have intact. Yet, something was always missing.

In eight months time, I have found a new place to truly call home. A home where I find myself at peace, and for the first time in twenty-five years, genuinely happy. I now reside in one of the nation's biggest metropolitans, with liberal ideas, and everyone thinking they are going to be the 'next big thing.' Morals? They don't seem to exist here.

Ironic, how upon arriving 'home' I find myself longing for California, yet just mere days later I am struggling to leave my family behind, and my heartstrings are tugged by moments I once considered too mundane.

The truth is that no matter how much things change, some things will always remain the same. It's the comfort of knowing that summer thunderstorms will always pass, mosquitos will always make me their feeding post, that I'll still remember each stretch of road like the back of my hand, and chocolate will never go for want in the Gray household.

This trip home solidified two things for me: one, moving to California was the best thing I could have done for myself and two, nothing means more to me than my family. I've outgrown so many old habits, I've settled my past transgressions, I've found closure in relationships I was holding onto, and I've let go of negativity I once harbored for people who ultimately don't deserve my time or energy. I've become a better person, a better friend, a better daughter, sister, and aunt.

Returning to California I have a stronger resolve than ever to continue on this positivity crusade. If the last eight months have taught me anything, its that life doesn't always come easy. However, the knowledge that this is the path I've chosen to take, and this journey is making me a stronger, more well-rounded person- it's worth all the pitfalls it takes to get to the final destination. I am almost certain that these changes would never have surmounted had I not taken the risk and followed my heart to California. I wouldn't be the person I am today, and now I know that I wouldn't want to be any other person than the one I am today.

Now, more than ever, I can fully appreciate the way it feels when a six-year-old wraps his arms around you with a grin from ear-to-ear, the way every muscle burns during a ten-mile bike ride with my dad, and the deliciousness of every empty calorie consumed while mindlessly watching reality television with my little sister.

These are the small sacrifices I have made in the grand scheme of finding happiness. It's these small, once considered mundane moments, that I know I will reflect on and cherish in my moments of doubt and uncertainty that life will surely deal. And for that reason alone, I would do it a million times over.

Somebody Pinch Me

Life has been busy this past week and a half, and I'm enjoying every second of it. Sure, I may not have slept more than a couple of hours each night- but this is precisely what I was asking for mere months ago (those who followed me at my old blog may recall). By appearances, it seems that my blog has taken the brunt of it- not for lack of inspiration, but for lack of time.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that time will be freeing up anytime soon-tomorrow I will be attending a surprise farewell party for one of my roommates (who is also my closest Cali friend), a company party to attend on Friday, camping this weekend, and flying back to Cincinnati on Sunday(red-eye, eek!) for a week with family and friends.

That being said, I will have a lot to blog about, on top of all the other posts I've yet to write.

In closing, I just want to say that for the first time in two years I feel like I finally have momentum. I'm finally moving forward, albeit one baby step at a time. I am happy. I am hopeful. I am thankful for everything, good and bad, and for every one who has been there through it all.

The best is yet to come. As always, I hope you stay tuned.

xoxo

Bizarre at The Bazaar

I want a be a foodie. But, a foodie I am not.

At least for the time being. See, for the first twenty-some-odd years of my life, my diet consisted of fried foods, plain sandwiches, and chocolate. I think I spent every family vacation alternating between chicken finger baskets and hamburgers.

As I've gotten older, I've gradually introduced new foods into my diet, but still maintaining a rather picky palate. For instance, when dining on sushi, I stick to a spicy tuna roll or salmon sashimi. It was only in the past year and a half that I decided that I wanted to make a concerted effort in becoming more cultural and daring in my food decisions.

The trouble, aside from not knowing how to pronounce the majority of menu items, was not knowing where to begin. Luckily, I have a roommate that is a self-proclaimed foodie, and I'm learning the ropes through her. For those who have ever dined with me, or have tried to get me to try something and I have emphatically refused- you're not going to believe this, but it's true....

I ate caviar. And foie gras. And I loved it. [For those who are like my former self and do not know what these are/ caviar: fish eggs and foie gras: duck liver].

{Philly cheese-steak at The Bazaar}

To my surprise, I was invited to join my new co-workers for a client dinner this past week at The Bazaar in Beverly Hills. The LA Times gave the Bazaar a four-star rating, and I can definitely understand why, as it boasts some of the best flavors to have ever hit my taste buds.

The unique combination of flavors, preparation, and presentation is commonly referred to as molecular gastronomy-which pertains to the mechanisms behind the transformation of ingredients in cooking. Head chef Jose Andres famously defeated Bobby Flay on the Food Network's Iron Chef, and he definitely brings the sizzle in the dishes offered at The Bazaar. World renowned designer Philippe Starck provided a visually stunning atmosphere-- our table in the Rojo Room was lit with bright pink LED lights, and don't even get me started on the bathroom!

If you are interested in trying nontraditional dishes (the foie gras was wrapped in cotton candy), I highly recommend visiting The Bazaar. However, if you are like me and are a foodie-in-training, I suggest visiting with someone who has a refined palate, has visited previously, or just researching on Yelp prior to your visit so you know which dishes are the most popular and the most delightful (I recommend the Philly Cheese-steak/see photo above).

Needless to say, reservations are hard to come by and once you do secure one, prepare to spend a pretty penny (I promise it's worth it, though). Hopefully, I will be returning soon!

In the Land of Cubes

{via}

Today I said goodbye to five months of intermittent unemployment, and hello again to the corporate world. And to be quite honest, I'm glad to be back.
I'm thankful that I will have a steady source of income- no longer effected by whether the sun is out, or the daily special. I'm thankful that the people I 'wait' on are all formally educated and are individuals I can learn from. I'm thankful that my day-to-day responsibilities are not spent making call quotas or dealing with customer complaints. I'm thankful that I have a desk space large enough that I have to physically get up and walk down the hall to actually touch a co-worker.
I missed post-it notes and highlighters and brand new legal pads. I missed having an Outlook calendar to manage and voicemails to check. I missed elevator rides and afternoon coffee breaks. I missed my closet full of dress clothes (although they're a little snug, now).
I am so happy and thankful that my life is returning to normal.
But today, I'm exhausted.

(500) Days of Summer

One (of the many things) I love about living in Los Angeles, is that I do not have to wait to see 'limited release' movies. I can't tell you how many times I was excited for a movie to come out while living in Cincinnati, only to have to wait many more weeks for local theaters to pick it up, or worse yet, until it was released onto DVD.

That being said, I was eagerly anticipating the theatrical release of 500 Days of Summer featuring Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel, both of whom I adore. Last week I convinced my mom that she, too, would love it- and that it would be worth the drive in LA traffic to go see it (the closest it was showing to me was The Grove). And so we did.

And I loved it. Just as I knew I would.

(Photo: Chuck Zlotnick/Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox)

Viewers beware. It is not your typical romantic-comedy Hollywood type film. Which is, precisely, why I loved it so much. There are so many terrible 'chic flicks', all predicated on the notion that we are guaranteed our happily ever after. While some may argue that the entertainment industry is a form of escapism from the realities of not living our 'happily ever afters,' too often than not we still believe that they will happen. And movies such as 500 Days are quickly labeled 'indie,' given recognition at film festivals like Sundance, and not widely accepted into mainstream culture.

Levitt and Deschanel both gave lovely performances in the movie, both characters are relatable and lovable, as is the dynamic of their relationship. Apparently, there was concern over Levitt being "too intense" of an individual to play a romantic lead- but I think he did a wonderful job displaying an array of emotions (loved the dance scene)!

New York magazine wrote a great piece on the film and Joseph Gordon Levitt in its summer issue (June 29-July 6). [online version can be found here]. The article reiterates my argument that rom-coms are loyal to form, not to experience, and that this film captures the real essence of a twenty-something romance; as a phase in your life, when love dodges expectations. And haven't we all experienced that 'one great relationship,' that turned out to be nothing of the sort? Perhaps I'm just jaded.

I definitely give the movie two thumbs up, and will be sure to catch it again when it is released on DVD. Also, check out the soundtrack, it was full of great tunes!

Birthday Bliss

Twenty-five is off to a great start. [Day one delivered big, and starting next week I'm back in the land of cubicles and red exclamation marked e-mails: but more on that later].

If you asked me to list all the things I love in the world, wine, pasta, chocolate, and hot guys would definitely be at the top. So, combine them all in one night--on my birthday, no less--then I am one happy camper.

Last night officially broke the streak of several years of bad birthday luck. I was absolutely blown away by the amount of messages, texts, and phone calls I received from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday. I have never felt so loved and missed, and I never would have thought I would be celebrating my twenty-fifth birthday so far away from all the people that have been there for the first twenty-four. That being said, I can't imagine celebrating the next twenty-five anywhere else. Since it was my first birthday in California, I thought it only fitting to spend it in Hollywood. When in Rome, right? The night began with dinner at Bella Cucina, an Italian eatery owned by the Dolce Group. I wasn't too impressed with the lasagna dish I ordered, they were out of pinot noir, and the service was terrible- borderline embarrassing. Needless to say, I do not recommend it, nor will I be returning. However, the evening was about the company of friends, and that made it worthwhile.

Following dinner, we stopped by Life (which, by the way, has an awesome lounge-y vibe) for some additional birthday cocktails. It also just so happened where a few of the cast (Jesse, Reid, and Juan) and crew members from The Bachelorette happened to have their finale viewing party. It was a cave rave that puts any sausage fest to shame. I have never seen so many women throw themselves at men- at reality show cast-offs at that. Between the photo ops that involved straddling, the woman with her shirt inside out (if you want to call what she was wearing a shirt), and the women that flipped over the couch, it was definitely an entertaining evening. After seven months of residency in Los Angeles, my only celebrity sightings have been stars from ABC (I saw Chris Harrison, the host, last week at the Hollywood and Highland Center). I think I should get out more often.

Despite being my birthday, I did not ask for any photographs with the rejected Bachelors. I hate being 'that girl'--I much prefer my silent freakouts. I may be calm and collected on the outside, but the little voice in my head is screaming 'ohmygod' over and over. There is photographic evidence, however, as one of the men can be seen in the background of a photo taken of my roommate and the elephant-trunk-esque pillow (we keep it classy).

All in all, a fantastic birthday, spent making great memories with great friends.

Halfway Up The Hill

In twenty-five years, I've ...

Moved cross country once

Received two college diplomas

Loved and spoiled three dogs

Learned I should limit myself to four alcoholic drinks (but don't)

Been called an Aunt five times

Maxed out six credit cards (only three remain)

Unashamedly read all seven Harry Potter books

Became obsessed with eight new bands since moving to LA

Played all nine positions during my softball career

Spent ten summers boating, swimming, and fishing in Lake Cumberland

Spent eleven weeks as a bartender

Fell in love with baseball at the tender age of twelve

Gone on thirteen job interviews

Road tripped through fourteen states

Watched Clueless (at least) fifteen times

At sixteen I failed my first driving test and cried

Lost a close friend and mentor at seventeen

Owned eighteen pairs of Old Navy flip flops

Made nineteen bad decisions, probably more

Been dared to eat fried alligator for twenty bucks

Waited twenty-one years before visiting New York City

Experienced living with my first roommate at twenty-two

Spent the summer of twenty-three falling in love

Learned to make the best of every twenty-four hour day I'm given...

Today, I officially turn twenty-five!

[Image source found here]

I can't believe that it's already been twenty-five years, but I am so grateful for all my experiences, good and bad, throughout the years. I can only hope that I continue to learn and grow during the next twenty-five years as I have during these. The last eight months have been spent adjusting to my new life in Los Angeles, and now it's time to make the most of my newfound happiness during the next twelve!

Happy Birthday to me!

[Post inspired by Free and Flawed]