Constructing My World

As I've gotten older, I've become more in tune with my personality, interests, and passions. And, ironically, it's not too far off from what I remember myself like as a young kid. (If only I could take back the college/grad school years- no seriously, am I the only one who feels like they lost themselves while trying to fit in?)

At any rate, one of my biggest passions is creativity and imagination. It's surprising that I am not doing something along these lines on a full-time basis because it's the one thing I enjoy most. I spend countless hours online drooling over fashion, design, photography- all the while my earphones are in listening to the greatest music. I daydream of designing stage sets, wardrobing models, filming the perfect scene with the perfect dialogue or the perfect song.

And even though I am more self-aware than I've ever been, I haven't outwardly projected that. Insecurities still outweigh confidences, and that's a battle won by baby steps. Nothing ever comes without a little effort, and while being myself should be effortless- the process of projecting my 'true self' takes a little time and money (my closet still bears resemblance of my clubbing days, can you say sequins?)

I remember in 500 Days of Summer when Tom visits Summer's apartment for the first time, and the narrator says"the wall of distance, of space, of casual - that wall was slowly coming down. For here was Tom, in her world... a place few had been invited to see with their own eyes." Watching that scene I was drawn to the bowler hat with the apple on top (homage to the famous The Son of Man painting) and the tree with origami swans, and thinking that her apartment was so indicative of her personality.

Living with roommates, and being on a tight financial budget, I have no control over the decor in my house-- and if you could see my house, you would understand why I make such a statement. However, the one room I can control- and the room I claim to be my safe haven (as it's become my nightly retreat from said roommates) is my bedroom. And yet, since I've moved in last April, I haven't made any effort to make it my own. My furniture is secondhand, and my walls are bare. Just an unmade bed and lots of clutter- from magazines to dirty laundry.

Until now. I've made it my end-of-summer goal to make my bedroom 'my world.' Without a doubt, this is where I'll be spending the majority of my time- either reading or writing. I want to be surrounded by color and inspiration. I want warmth and invitation.

I love Whitney Port- she is the perfect example of being true to yourself while surrounded by pressure to be what society wants you to be. Isn't her apartment darling? It's what I hope to achieve in my own.

Welcome Back

Wipes cobwebs from the corner of the interwebs.

Anyone out there?

**Crickets**

Okay- I don't blame you if no one is reading, I'll admit that I've been MIA for the better half of my second rendezvous in Los Angeles. I've been trying to make up for lost time and doing all those things I regretted not doing the first go around. Whether it's a tailgate at the Rose Bowl, a picnic in Hollywood, or a local Sunday Funday with friends, I haven't said no to much of anything- to the detriment of my blog and well, let's face it my physical (whoa, beer belly) and mental (too many hobbies left unvisited) health.

But summer is (thankfully) winding down, and I'm trying to get a semblance of a normal routine in these bits. Normal bedtimes, healthy eating habits, limited alcohol indulgences, exercise that doesn't involve sand and a net, and my two favorite things- reading and writing!! (I even picked up the worst habit of all this summer- trashy reality television!!)

As much as I would love to continue writing tonight- my first foray back into physical activity (Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred) has exhausted all energy stores. It's definitely time to curl up in bed with a good book- lights out in twenty!

Look for a new post every day this week- I'm back!

The Summer of Picnics

Holy, guacamole- where has the time gone? I can't believe that tomorrow marks the end of July! Summer is quickly slipping through my fingertips, and ironically enough it's been mild, chilly, and overcast for the better part of this "summer." SoCal, I shake my fist at you!

Nonetheless, I've been managing to keep myself busy, albeit not in the most productive ways. I haven't done as much reading or writing as I would like to- but that should all be changing soon enough. Turning 26 this week makes officially closer to 30 than 20- and I may have had a teeny, tiny meltdown.

One activity that I've fallen in love with this summer has been picnicking. There's absolutely nothing more relaxing than enjoying fresh food, good company, and mid-afternoon cloud gazing. The mild temperatures allow for longer picnics, and I can't complain to that.I'm so fortunate that Los Angeles has a lot to offer in the way of public areas- from parks, beaches, museums, and yes-even a cemetery. I have to say that my favorite picnic to date was a few weekends ago at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Each Saturday night, a mausoleum becomes a screen to a classic, and Angelenos pack the grass to watch a movie above and below the stars. After ten years, it's not quite LA's 'best kept secret,' any longer- I suggest arriving early (around 5ish) and starting the picnic early- my friends and I even brought Trivial Pursuit to help pass the time. The game was cut short when the gates opened around seven, and once inside a DJ spins until the movie starts, usually after sundown- or around 9pm. Saturday Night Fever was showing the week I went, and it was such a fun, disco-loving atmosphere. A few bottles of wine later, and my friends and I were having a midnight dance party. Without a doubt, I'll be visiting again before the end of the summer. If you're in the LA area, be sure to check it out.

Another fun place to picnic is at the Getty Museum. My roommate and I went for their Saturdays off the 405 event, which was a lot of fun. Although the band that was performing wasn't to our liking, we did enjoy the Beatles music beforehand. Another one of those surreal I can't believe I'm back in California moments- sipping on wine, listening to the Beatles, and surrounded by a bunch of hip people. Yeah- I just used hip as an adjective. I'm officially 80.

I'm definitely on the lookout for fun, new places to visit- picnic basket in tow- and I'm especially eager to test out new picnic-friendly recipes. My last masterpiece was an olive-feta spread, and it will be accompanying me on every picnic, it was that good! While I entrust my paper Trader Joe's bags and a soft-sided cooler, I am on the lookout for official gear- I want to be the real deal!! I stumbled this post over at Design*Sponge (one of my fave blogs) and immediately but this company at the top of my wish list- how cool is Boxsal!? Environmentally friendly, convenient, and creative- my three favorite things!

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Any other picnickers out there? What is your go-to food item? Place to visit?

Updated

I'm so excited to start actively writing again- I have so much to share! In the meantime, I've uploaded posts from my old blog- they're integral to my story and truly capture all the pitfalls and successes I've had in the last year. It's definitely been a growing process, and a journey I'll never forget.

On Finding Balance

"I used to think that one day I'd be able to resolve the different drives I have in different directions, the tensions between the different people I am. Now I realize that is who I am. I do feel I'm getting closer to the song in my head. I wasn't looking for graces. But luckily grace was looking for me."
Bono, as quoted in Rolling Stone

The last few weeks I've been stuck in a rut. I initially blamed it on feeling under the weather, but quickly figured out that I'm running myself thin- jumping from one social engagement to the next, I've ignored what should be my biggest priority-- myself.

It's true that there have been countless moments where I've felt the need to pinch myself. To take an extra five seconds for a deeper breath of the fresh, beach air. Holding back the desire to hug everyone around me and never let them go. I am so grateful that I get to call California home, because I never thought I would have this opportunity again. I am very lucky, and I am very happy.

But somewhere in the last few months, I've lost the clarity I had rediscovered- about myself- who I am, what I want, and where I see my life a year from now, five years, ten years. I replaced my "me time" with happy hours, pool parties, and late night dancing. That's not to say that I can't enjoy spending time with my friends- but I need to find the balance between having fun and being responsible and focused on what's important.

And that balance, is where I will find my fleeting happiness.

Viva la FIFA!

Big events always warrant the question- Where were you when...?

So where were you when Landon Donovan scored the winning goal to win Group C and advance in the World Cup? (ps- I love, love, love that Donovan plays for the Galaxy- yeah LA!)

Words can't even express the rollercoaster of emotions that game was to watch, especially at 7 in the morning. Followed by the adrenaline rush in the 91st minute, needless to say it was very hard focusing that morning at work. I was with a group of my favorite co-workers and side-by-side we sat, nervously watching every missed goal and bad call- and in unison jumping and cheering as we advanced to the next round.

It was one of those moments where goosebumps crawled all over my body and my heart swelled with pride. A rallying moment for Americans across the country, and a well-deserved spotlight for a sport that most Americans debunk as a "real" sport.

Today is the next USA match, the first in the knock-out round. You better believe I'm donned in my red-white-and blue, and rooting for the boys to bring it home.

Summer Sick Days

Last I wrote I had grandiose plans of a summer staycation-- then I preceded to get sick, and I'm still sick, and my weekends and weeks have definitely not gone as planned. But, then again, isn't that the way life goes?

That being said, I am taking a time-out from my go-go-go lifestyle to refocus on myself- my interests, my goals, but most importantly my health. No one should ever be sick three weeks straight in the dead of summer. Once again I'm reminding myself that it's okay to say no- and it's okay to do your own thing, even if it isn't considered to be fun or cool by the majority of people I hang out with (I admit, I need to find more people like me to be friends with. Takers?)

And heck- yesterday was technically only the first day of summer!